Spring Break Time!

So tomorrow I'm off to LA. It's almost been an irony that after being in the country for three years and having more than a few friends and acquaintances in LA, when I'm finally headed to LA it is for my annual NSGC (National Society of Genetic Counselors) conference. While there are definitely a few talks in this conference that I'm planning on attending, the main attraction still is the fact that I'll get to see some old friends again after a year!

Very conveniently we have renamed the annual conference as our annual spring break, for the simple reason that for my ex-classmates that is exactly what this conference is. Let your guard down and just have a good time...this is where I get to see the craziness of the otherwise politically correct genetic counselors. And boy is it fun! Seeing these chicks walking up to random guys, and flirting with them to get free drinks (hey I'm not complaining if I'm getting free drinks), dragging them when they are totally drunk back to their hotel rooms and trying to convince them that sleeping in their hotel room and not the lobby at 3.30 in the morning is a very normal thing to do :).

Last year we were in Kansas City and things were wild and crazy. I was sure that my pics would be flashed across the hotel cameras as I was literally dragging two drunk girls who were giggling to each other and screaming in the hallway...oh and did I mention that one of them actually flashed the security guard ;) I was half worried that some reality tv camera would catch me in this awkward pose and then breaking news : Asian male caught taking advantage of two white girls who were under the influence! Worse still: Asian male drugs two white girls and is caught dragging them in a hotel room at 3.30 in the morning :)

Considering this year we are gonna be in LA, where more alcohol will flow...more drunkness will happen and if at all I'll end up dragging more than 2 white girls who are 'not drunk but delightfully high' , and possibly will end up getting my 2 mins of fame on some camera :)

Not foot but feet in mouth ;)

Setting: Living room of Browneyes' Pune flat...
Characters present: Yours truly (Neo also called RD at times depending on mood), Wizard the squeezer, Cass, Browneyes, Alpha female (biatch), Handy man and a few others...

Situation: It was around 11.00 pm at night and everyone was busy watching Omen II. Some of us like me had never seen the movie before and therefore were watching the movie with utmost concentration (awaiting the crow), others like the Handy man had watched the movie before and knew exactly what was to come. Some of us were sprawled on the floor, others were lying on the comfort of the sofa. Generally timepass was happening. Alpha female for some reason was not at all interested in the movie (as is the case with most English movies and her). Usually when she is watching an English movie with the gang, every 15 mins we have to pause the movie and then wizard has to explain to her what happened in the past 15 mins. Now if only you would pay a little attention to what they say in the film, it's actually pretty easy to follow what's goin on. But well...some of us prefer hearing stories rather than watching them.. fair enough. So continuing with this incident, the movie is going along and people start stretching about. Suddenly someone's leg comes over my face and I have to adjust, that kind of thing. So Wizard is sitting on the floor and is very uncomfortable.. He looks around but can't find anything comfortable nearby. Out of the blue, he looks at Cass and Browneyes and blurts out, "Give me something to squeeze!!!!!"..... Done...let the crow be damned and let Omen II be damned... full popat of horror movie...there are 6-7 people here sprawled on the floor laughing their guts out...:):):):)
Cass and Browneyes have no clue what wizard wants and have tears in their eyes and they laugh uncontrollably
Wizard: "I mean give me a pillow"... Yea right give me a pillow.
Handy man: Dude seriously I don't know what kind of things you think off, but squeezing something is definitely not something I would think of while watching a horror movie!!!

Fast forward to next afternoon. Generally janata is sitting in one of the first floor bedrooms and laughing about the gift that we had given Gujju boy/Dhokla boy on his birthday the past year. Browneyes who was unaware of this is very curious about this gift. So a little history about this. Happens that for some reason, people in this friend circle, have some fascination for gifting 'embarrassing gifts' to a person on his/her birthday. So on gujju boy's birthday he was (un)fortunate enough to be a recepient of one such gift. Exclusively selected by Grizzly B, Handy man and Cass from Crawford Market....special lingerie for Gujju Boy.... Cass had a very funny experience buying this as well...as she went to the shop to ask for this very special gift and the lady across the counter asked her for the size she was looking for, handy man quipped in," Arre koi bhi size chalega?!?!?!?!"....apparently the lady across the counter gave Cass a stare....I wonder why??? I mean it was Handy man who passed that comment right??? Well so going on... Browneyes finally heard the story out and was in splits as we narrated this incident to her and then out of curiosity asked,"so what color was it?".... (does it really matter?? I mean it's not like we were trying to match something here...the point was to embarrass gujju boy and embarrassed he was)...but again Wizard fresh from him squeezing comment decides one is not enough for the trip...I want more... blurts out, "Moist yellow!?!?!?"..... Do I really need to say what happened after this??? I mean there were shrieks of "eeeeee" followed by laughter for probably a good ten minutes.... I'm still not sure what colour Moist yellow is and where did wizard come up with this colour??? What was the thought process dude?? I mean ok I've heard of lemon yellow, pale yellow, yellow occur (probably spelt wrong...but this is the worst shade of yellow that I've seen in those camel water colours)... NEVER and I mean NEVER did I imagine I would hear of a MOIST YELLOW!!!

I've probably ensured a hate mail from Wizard, so I shall spare him for now although I can think of a few more of his wonderful one liners ;)....next update will probably focus on Mr. Puri Bail :)

The Characters

All right this is just the introduction to the characters that will be mentioned on this blog in the future. Now that all the permission taking has happened and most people (actually all) have agreed to be written about, we shall commence. On a side note everyone was okay with me taking their real names, but since pseudo names sound that much more fun(ner) we shall use pseudo names... So today one by one we will get to know the most distinguishing characteristics of all these characters...(I think this is becoming character overdose)..

The Charging Bear (will also at times be called Grizzly bear or simply Grizzly B depending on how bored I am of typing): This homo sapien has many unique qualities and also happened to be one of the first friends I made in Xaviers. I have no clue why he choose a name like Grizzly B considering he is not the hairiest person I've met...but maybe he sees some other common qualities of a bear in him. Grizzly B can come up with the most unheard of thoughts ( the discussion about dog meat in my last blog was courtsey Grizzly B), in a situation which is nowhere related to such thoughts (maybe I didn't get my point across there...but if you know him you know what I mean). He also has the biggest collection of pornography (I just had to say this somewhere) and can have discussions, rather debates in how porn in different countries and languages differs. Often this discussion becomes a monolouge since no one else has anything to contribute due to lack of knowledge :). Grizzly B is also a player. I don't know if he will like me saying this or no but hey this blog isn't about being politically correct. But Grizzly B also is one of the smartest people I've met and can easily hold his ground and probably outshine most others in a debate (other than porn also). He's also a big music fan and his music collection I believe far outshines his porn collection...more about him later in future posts.

Wizard The Squeezer: As the name suggests, he is a little different :) . Probably one of the more philosophical types, but every now and then bound to make some horrendous bloomer (which is how he gets the name). "Always think from the third person's point of view"....I've probably heard this sentence at least once every week from him. Over the years he has changed a lot and has become a lot more open and comfortable with emotions (he may disagree, but then this is my opinion!). He generally is not the sort who will create a fuss about anything and likes to be in harmony with most people, not the confrontational sort by any means. A voracious reader and someone who will voice his opinion in a very calculated manner (most times), but when he makes bloomers they are the most classic ones (as I shall describe in future posts).

Cass: I don't quite know why she choose this name, but I've never quite understood her fascination for Greek names in the first place. Cass is probably my closest friend (now everyone knows who I am talking about) and someone who knows me better than most others. She has been my agony aunt and patiently heard me out when I've been irrational (Grizzly B and The Wizard also will fall in this category). She's also been the one who has been subject to the most atrocious nick names courtsey yours truly (never quite got over 'raapchik'). Cass is another smart woman and is one of the few who is not shy to voice her opinion in a crowd that she is familiar with. She will usually refrain from making any extreme comments, and take the middle ground, but with her you get what you see. If it's a spade it will be called a spade. The best thing about Cass is that she and I disagree on a lot of things, but we are able to put these differences aside and find a common ground most times (there are some exceptions...remember our argument about proposals!!).

Mr. Puri Bail: He was, is and will remain the king of foot in mouth syndrome. He's one of a kind and when I say that I mean every single word. Also, he was, is and will remain the 'firang' in the group. The million dollar question that everyone has is how did this guy pass his school exams in Hindi and Marathi??? His answer is for marathi he just changed, "hain" to "ahe".... The rest of us feel his writing was probably so bad that the poor examiner decided to have some pity on him :):):).... He will probably end up being the guy most written about here in future posts, courtsey his wonderful bloomers (probably beating Wizard's bloomers). But he is also a genuinely nice guy and someone who has become a very good friend over the years.

The Nephew: :):):) Don't we all know who we are talking about here. He could alternately be called Mr. Confidence as well, for the only reason that he is the guy will confidently answer every question asked to him in the manner, tone and with a face that suggests that he is the expert in this field! He is also someone who has had arguments about the 'gear box' of a car at 7.15 in the morning in a train when most others were still half asleep. The nephew is also one of the most enthusiastic people I've met. His collection of music will probably challenge Grizzly B's.... He was always the New Year's planner and I must say he did a pretty good job of planning the parties...A very good DJ as well.

Brown eyes: After Mr. Puri Bail if anyone had a hard time being the 'target' it was probably brown eyes who will also at times be called "Sheru" (and now I will be abused). Had some fascination for purple, had the pleasure of experiencing the Sun's first rays every morning, one of the few people who drove a car to college in Mumbai (rich sindhi girl), always liked to 'share' her food and a big time party animal (much like the nephew).

The Alpha female: Longest last name (no seriously like after knowing her for 6 months I still couldn't pronounce her last name). Very opinionated and NOT AT ALL SHY TO VOICE HER OPINION. Still suffers from an undiagnosed syndrome (research is on and she has willingly agreed to be part of a study that I am conducting). Very emotional and very likely to cry at the drop of a hat. She's had some absolute fantastic episodes worth narrating.

The Gujju Boy: At first he comes across as the most sober, decent person in this group of people. Once you get to know him, all these misconceptions are easily erased! He has had the most number of misadventures after being drunk..and the stories he starts telling when he is drunk are definitely worth hearing (red slipper and blue slipper). He also loves to give gyaan to people (thankfully not when he is drunk).

Handy Man: He is exactly that... the handy man, alternately he could also be called Mr. Argumentative but then I shall be good to him for now at least (after all he is arranging my New Years is Goa this year). Handy man has MPD for sure. But on the whole Handy man is a good friend to have and he is someone who usually does a lot for friends....

There are some other characters also who will probably be written about in the future and I shall mention their characteristics at that time...

Some vignettes about this group will be posted soon...

The Bird And The Bee

Date: July 2005.
Setting: Breakfast table in the Mumbai flat.
Occupants: Mom, dad, grand mom and I.

"So last night i was out with my friends, Charging Bear, Handy man, Mr. Puri Bail, and Dhokla boy and we were talking about this very weird topic which Charging Bear initiated", I said as I gulped down my coffee.

"What was this discussion about?", asked my mom.

"Well Charging Bear generally asked us a question, no rather he gave us a situation and asked us what we would do if we were in this particular situation. Situation is, you are hungry for the past 3-4 days and there is no one there to give you any food (hypothetically). You are living alone with your pet, a dog and you have heard dog meat tastes great (again hypothetically). What will you do?". For the sake of this post, I won't go in to the details of that discussion coz that is not what this post is about. But essentially I went over this entire discussion with my parents and unfortunately since my grand mom happened to be there, she had to be a silent spectator. She was probably thinking that me and my friends need psychiatric help for even discussing things such as these. Well fast forward. Breakfast over, I cleared the table (yes that was my responsibility in the house) and we sat in the living room.

"What is your view of pre-marital sex?", asked my mom. My grand mom cringed in her sofa, probably wondering why she had to hear this conversation. I was like, damn did they find anything they were not supposed to?? No, no that's not possible. Relief.... "Well, if the guy and girl (I didn't want to scandalize my parents with a discussion about homosexuality, so I stuck to guy and girl...yes I am very much straight thank you) are both willing, are aware of the possible consequences and are willing to take the necessary precautions and safe measures, then I don't see why anyone else should have a problem with it". "So you're okay with it", said my mom. "Well yea, I mean like I said, if the couple (notice this time I said couple not girl or guy) is mutually okay with it and are taking the precautions, I am ok with it." My grand mom began to shift in her sofa and started reading her newspaper loudly (it's a very irritating habit, I mean you want to read something read quietly na, why do we have to hear what you are reading?). My mom continued the discussion and after 10 mins my grand mom exploded, " do we have to have this conversation?". My parents and me were like, " well clearly you don't!" And then we got the entire bhashan about, "We are Indians, we don't discuss these things (she didn't want to use the word sex) in family. This is not our culture, only the Westerners do all this and they are spoiling everything......blah blah blah". You get the point na...the usual grand mom discussion.

And that's when I thought, why do we as a nation get so uncomfortable talking about sex?? I mean it's clear that it's happening everywhere. We happen to have the second largest population in the world, clearly that is not coincidence is it??? Definitely a lot of people in this country are having sex, probably more than they should be, but no one's willing to talk about it. In so many schools there is still no one who is willing to talk about sex education. Why go anywhere else, in my school we didn't have a sex ed class. Either we have teachers who are not willing to talk about it in school with students or there are parents who don't want teachers to teach their children about sex ed. Why are we in denial??? Why is it embarrassing to talk about sex and why does it make people cringe when someone decides to have a discussion about sex??

Very often we hear older people (people who are a generation or two older than me) say, "Oh today's generation is very promiscuous, we have such a population problem and these youngsters all just talk abt having sex". Ok before we jump to conclusions, the reason this country has a population problem is because I have thirteen first cousins once removed and fifteen great uncles....so it is not my generation, it was your generation that was ' having a lot of sex thank you'.

It's high time that we come out of our pretences and accept that sex has been 'going on' since a zillion years and it will continue for a zillion more years. Instead of being in denial we should come out in the open and educate people about it. STD's are spreading world over and by just being quiet about it, b'coz it is not a part of our culture is no excuse. The time has come that we as responsible citizens decide to take the right actions by educating the youth about safe sex, or about the 'birds and the bees' as some ppl call it.

On a side note, whoever came up with the term 'The birds and the bees'. I mean hello, what is the correlation?? I was watching stand up comedy one day and I hear Vir Das (if you haven't heard him, do it now) say the same thing, "Whoever came up with this term, the birds and the bees???," I wonder if it was the Americans?? (my white friends forgive me) But really birds and the bees??? I mean I would pay money to watch a bird and a bee go at it!!! (No, no seriously I am not in to any kinky shit, but man birds and bees is just too much to fathom!)

A Day In The Life Of.....

8.30 am: "Crap, I'm late again!", I heard myself say as I hurriedly kicked my car door and ran towards the elevators. As I entered the elevator I made a mental note, of not stopping at Starbucks in the morning before coming to the clinic. Invariably the person before me in the line is always not sure of what he/she wants and will spend a good 5 mins staring at the menu and changing their mind at least thrice (ok not always but you get the point na). Anyways I rush in to the clinic and enter my room. Dim lights are switched on in my cave (that's what ppl in the clinic call my room since it's always so dark in here), I log on my computer and look at the patient schedule. "Only five patients this morning, great", I say. After that regular checking of email happens, I make a round of the entire clinic to see who is there, some early morning chatting happens with a couple of people, you know the general hi, how are you, how was your day yesterday etc etc...

9.00am: "I have a patient ready for you Rupin", I hear my sonographer say (for confidentiality reasons except mine no one else's name will be disclosed here). Quickly I look at all the images, " CRL is within the range, NT looks good, nasal bone is seen, heart rate is good, i see the placenta, the ovaries, cervix and the BPD", I say to myself. I glance through the screening questionnaire and the patient has checked 'no' everywhere. Allright this is gonna be a easy one, 10-15 mins and I will have given good news to my patient, she will be happy, I will be happy and everyone can then live happily every after (this is the consequence of watching too many hindi movies...why do they always have to have a happy ending???). I enter the room, introductions are made, we start off with small talk, the usual howz your day been coming along so far, and the likes.... We talk about the ultrasound findings which are all very good, patient is very happy, I am very happy, she doesn't have any questions (now I am not happy, I always like patients to ask me questions...more about this later), so I take her to the blood draw room, blood is drawn patient is ready to go.

One down four more to go. I sit in my room looking at the images for the next patient on my computer screen. Ok everything looks good here again. So coming back to my point of me liking patients asking questions. Maybe for purely selfish reasons, I love patients asking questions. To me it's a sign that they are definitely paying attention to what we are discussing, it's usually an indication that they are understanding what I am saying and more importantly it's a feedback mechanism for me. It helps me get better at my craft when patients ask me questions. So like I mentioned earlier, if not for anything else then for purely selfish reasons I encourage questions always. As I gulp down the last sip of my coffee, there's again a knock on my door and my second patient is ready. I've already looked at the images and everything here looks good. Now I skim through the questionnaire and oh nice the patient has marked 'yes' on a few items here. So there is a family history of hemophilia here, interesting. It's a maternal first cousin, so mentally I am already doing risk calculations now to see what is the chance my patients pregnancy could be an increased risk. This is the only place where me and math get along! Thank God I like probability, otherwise me and the field I am in would have had some serious issues. I finish doing my risk calculations, look up testing options, look at what insurance plan the patient has, briefly go through what I will say to the patient to myself and think about the last time I had a patient who had a family history of hemophilia and what we had discussed. I always do that! As I enter the room, I see the sonographer take the next patient in the ultrasound room. She looks very happy, her husband/partner is with her and I hear them say, " This is our first pregnancy are we are so excited about this."

Again the same routine, go in and introduce yourself, small talk happens, you tell the patient about the ultrasound, then you discuss the family history. Ask the patient if she is interested in proceeding with prenatal testing. "No, I don't want to do that." 'That's fine, it's definitely your choice," I hear myself say. Then we talk about hemophilia, what it is, symptoms, inheritance patterns, I start with my favourite drawings of X-linked inheritance, we talk about genes and chromosomes and all those good things. Then I ask her what her understanding of hemophilia is and what her experience is of being around a person with hemophilia. Basically I am trying to see here if she knows what a typical life is for someone with hemophilia. Considering there is a chance that she may have a child with it, it is my responsibility to make sure that she knows what it is like to raise a child with one (I am not saying it is tough or easy here no judgments at all, I am giving her a balanced view). Sounds like she has a good idea of it, her cousin is the same age as she is and they were raised in the same sort of environment and are really close so growing up she had a good idea of what it is. I make sure that I document everything that was said, especially the fact that patient declined prenatal testing. In a country where ppl are very "lawyer happy", I want to make sure I save my ass! All right all done here.

10.30 am: I just about manage to enter my room and as I enter the room I see a note on my door from the sonographer,"Please look at the images immediately and call up the OB's office". This is definitely something serious, I say to myself. I look at the images.... CRL is less that what we would expect at this point, I see a couple of other images and then I see the reason for the note.... no heart rate. It's a fetal demise. "Crap, crap crap, not today". I can see myself going in the room, this time I can't have a smile on my face when I enter, I can't say congratulations to the couple for the pregnancy, I can't say so far on the ultrasound things look good...instead I have to be the bearer of bad news....and as I walk down the corridor to enter the counseling room, I pass the ultrasound room where I heard the couple laughing half a hour ago, " This is our first pregnancy and we are so excited about it", is what I remember them saying. And now I have to go there and tell them , " I am so sorry, but there is no heart rate for the baby" (well i don't use those very words but essentially that is what I have to convey). I stop outside the room, I don't want to knock and enter the room and go inside. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news. I take a deep breath and say to myself, " You've done this before, you can do it now". How will they react? Will they be angry and shout, will they not believe me and insist on having another ultrasound, will they just sit there and take what I say with a stoic, blank face (I hope not), will they cry (pls pls do cry). I knock on the door and I enter the room. I introduce myself and I sit down. This time there is no small talk, how can I ask them about the weather two minutes before telling them their baby is no more? I directly get to the point. We talk about the ultrasound and then slowly my voice starts getting softer and cracking as I break the news to them. My patient looks at me and I can see tears rolling down her cheek, I can see her husband hold her hand, he's trying to be strong but can't hold back his tears. They try controlling their tears..."It's okay to cry", I hear myself say as I pass tissues to them. "Why did this happen to us" Maybe it's something I did", my patient says. I hear her out and gently say,"This was not your fault. Unfortunately we don't know why this happened, what I do know is that this did not happen because of anything you did" (okay important to note she is a non smoker and a teetotaller). They want pictures of the baby, so I give them some pictures. Lots of psychosocial counseling happens and in the end the couple leaves. I make sure that they are checked out from the back door so that no one else knows what happened.

11.30am: I am ready to just crash on my chair and sit quietly for some time. This is always difficult to do, and so it should be. I've done this before, but it's always just as tough to tell someone that they have lost their baby (and so it should be). I want to just sit and do nothing for some time, but my sonographer has two patients ready to be counseled and so I must go on.....

Fast forward to 5.00pm: I've just finished writing all the letters for all the patients I've seen and finally I have "Rupin time". My friends are well aware of this concept. Rupin time essentially is that time where I don't like being disturbed. I want to be by myself and will not entertain anyone at this moment and today I need Rupin time bigtime! I reflect upon my day and think about the hemophilia patient first. I remember how she was not interested in prenatal testing and I think about how my previous patient with a family history of hemophilia was so paranoid about it and wanted testing at any cost. I think about how different patients make different decisions and I can hear Tressa (my supervisor in grad school) say, "Rupin if all our patients made the same decisions, we would not be doing our job properly". I think about the patient with the fetal death and think about how I could have counseled that patient better, make a few notes about it, so that the next time I have to deal with it, I can use some other techniques...yes next time, coz I know there will definitely be a next time. It's not a question of if, rather it's a question of when...