Warning: This post is going to be very emotional and is likely to ignite passionate feelings in you the reader. Don't tell me I didn't warn you beforehand.
All right so Mumbai burned for 60 hours and we watched. Some of us on tv, some of us from close range, some of us through news channels reporting it live on the internet (thank God for good internet speeds) and some of us refreshing the timesofindia.com website every now and then. So bad men enter city, fire randomly at people, hold people hostage, kill innocents, kill the ones protecting the innocents, get killed....news over. Far from it. In fact this is where the story begins. What next? Where to from here?
It's not that Mumbai has not been attacked before. Quite the contrary in fact. Mumbai is not new to terror attacks. What Mumbai is not used to is such well planned massacre of innocents, and such lack of respect towards the city by it's very elite. The less we speak about politicians the better. That would perhaps be best discussed in a different blog post where I can sit and bash them. But hang on there is a bigger question at hand here. Mumbai faced serial bomb blasts 15 years ago and they came by sea. 15 years down the line they still come by sea....what have we learnt in this past decade?? Apparently nothing....All that our govt. is good at is the blame game, and that has already begun. Rather than taking a united stand against terrorism what are the people who are responsible for our safety doing?
All of us are at this point very proud of the brave policemen, the army, the navy, the firemen and of course the NSG commandos. Yes, they risked their lives so that the city could live (dare I say peacefully?). And this is not to belittle what they did, but lack of planning is so evident in this entire operation, if you will. The terrorists apparently had blueprints of the hotels that they had attacked and were hiding in (notice the word hiding is important here...cowards). It took more than 5 hours for the NSG commandos to reach the city of Mumbai after the Govt. of Maharashtra decided that they needed NSG help. Fine, it takes time to reach from Chandigrah to Mumbai. Why don't they have their own plane that they can use and reach in time? Why do they have to be transported by BEST buses from the airport to the hotel? And why in God's name are they not briefed about how the operation needs to be carried out in this entire journey? Wouldn't it be logical that by the time these guys reach the Taj, they should have been provided with blueprints of the hotel, and a plan already made about where to enter, how to plan the attack and how long should this operation take? No. Instead they reached Taj and were just sitting in the trucks there, having no clue about what to do, waiting for orders from the higher authorities?? In a situation such as this, where every second counts, how can you have these highly trained people just waiting for over an hour to get orders??? The fact that it took over 60 hours for 200 men to kill 4 terrorists says a lot about how well planned the entire operation was from the top brasses of NSG. I don't blame the commandos. I have nothing but good things to say about them. I understand they are just the pawns who are sent to fight, they cant make decisions about planning the attacks, and I have only admiration for their courage. My angst is with the lack of planning on the part of their seniors.
There are few people worth mentioning here that I and I am sure you the reader are also very proud of. Hemant Karkare, the ATS chief, Ashok Kamte deputy commissioner, Vijay Salaskar the encounter specialist, Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan and those brave soldiers of our armed forces, the police, and the firemen who fought for you and I. What I am not proud of is the lack of decent arms that they are provided by the Government. It is ridiculous to call the vest that Hemant Karkare was wearing as bulletproof. He was fighting terrorists armed with AK56's with his 303! How can we expect him to fight these terrorists armed with such arms with what the government provides our cops? Some of our havaldars are expected to go in with their lathis! (I don't have a reference for this, but I swear I read this somewhere, or heard it on a reputable TV channel).
Yes I am ANGRY. I am angry at the terrorists first for entering my city. How dare they enter my city and create such havoc. I am more ANGRY at the people who are supposed to maintain decorum and people who are supposed to govern this city though. I am angry at Vilasrao Deshmukh, I am angry at R.R. Patil for making ridiculous statements, such as "in big cities such small incidents happen time and again". Are you fucking kidding me? Your country just face probably it's worst ever terror attack, people have died here and you're saying this is a minor incident. I am ANGRY at the same cliched, "SPIRIT OF MUMBAI". I want to scream and say that no the spirit is dead, we don't want to talk about it. I want accountability. I don't want you to forget this, like we forgot any of the past attacks...not any more. We are used to this entire "chalta hain" attitude for way to long and this has got to change. We need answers and we need them now. This cannot wait and this cannot be another of those incidents that we just forget about.
I definitely won't forget those innocent people who lost their lives and their families and silently as I watched the news, I couldn't control the tears that started to flow as I heard about their stories. My prayers are with them and their families....
As I was sitting down and thinking about this entire mayhem that occurred in my city, in my Mumbai, in my home, I thought of the lines Barrack Obama had said about the terrorists after the 9/11 attacks, "My powers of empathy, my ability to reach into another's heart, cannot penetrate the blank stares of those who would murder innocents with such abstract, serene satisfaction."
Monday, 1 December 2008
Saturday, 15 November 2008
Religion.....and the dilemma
I usually refrain from discussing topics such as religion and politics in a public domain. But there are times when I make an exception, such as when I am with a group of close friends who know me well enough and who I know will not misunderstand my opinions. Well since this blog is read only by such people, might as well take the liberty and make an exception here. The very word religion can ignite some very passionate emotions in people and therefore this post is definitely not about what my take on religion is or what my views about religion are. This is very simply a collection of thoughts that will be put on paper (well not really on paper...)
A couple of days back I got a call from my dad and he informed me about this one particular doctor friend of his from back home who suddenly died. He wasn't someone that we knew very well, but being in the medical field my parents knew him a little bit. Well so this guy was in his 40s and unfortunately after having dinner, he went to sleep and passed away there. My condolences are definitely with his family and I sure hope that God gives them the strength and courage they will need at this point in time.
So how is this related to religion? So this guy by birth was born in a Hindu family and over time as he grew older and started forming his own views decided that he wanted to convert to Christianity. And I am cool with that. I have no issues. I think everyone should be given the freedom to practice a religion that they believe in. To each his own. The complications of this though are a little different in the society. His parents who are still alive, did not covert to Christianity. So the big question that people were faced with after his death was, should he be cremated or buried? Well there is a little more to it than just that. There are a few other people involved, who are propagating the spread of Christianity and were the ones who convinced this guy to convert. And believe me I have no problems with that as well. I think if you are convinced about something then sure you have a right to form an opinion and make decisions accordingly. So nothing against them. In fact they are very good friends of my parents and I do know them pretty well personally.
The bigger question however here is, sure you'll decided to take the responsibility of performing the last rites. But should there have been at least some discussion with this guy's parents where their opinions and views could have been asked? And I don't know the correct answer. There is a part of me that says, he decided to convert to Christianity so he should be buried as is the practice. Another part of me says, yes he decided to convert, but in times such as these, would it not be appropriate to ask his parents about what their thoughts were about this? Would their opinion on this not matter at all?
Like I mentioned earlier, I do not know what the answer to this question is. I am just putting my thoughts out here. But it is definitely something that needs further exploration. For someone like me who really doesn't believe in following any particular religion, it was an eye opener of sorts. Sometimes there is more to a story than what meets the eye and definitely in this case that is true....
Religiously yours
RD
A couple of days back I got a call from my dad and he informed me about this one particular doctor friend of his from back home who suddenly died. He wasn't someone that we knew very well, but being in the medical field my parents knew him a little bit. Well so this guy was in his 40s and unfortunately after having dinner, he went to sleep and passed away there. My condolences are definitely with his family and I sure hope that God gives them the strength and courage they will need at this point in time.
So how is this related to religion? So this guy by birth was born in a Hindu family and over time as he grew older and started forming his own views decided that he wanted to convert to Christianity. And I am cool with that. I have no issues. I think everyone should be given the freedom to practice a religion that they believe in. To each his own. The complications of this though are a little different in the society. His parents who are still alive, did not covert to Christianity. So the big question that people were faced with after his death was, should he be cremated or buried? Well there is a little more to it than just that. There are a few other people involved, who are propagating the spread of Christianity and were the ones who convinced this guy to convert. And believe me I have no problems with that as well. I think if you are convinced about something then sure you have a right to form an opinion and make decisions accordingly. So nothing against them. In fact they are very good friends of my parents and I do know them pretty well personally.
The bigger question however here is, sure you'll decided to take the responsibility of performing the last rites. But should there have been at least some discussion with this guy's parents where their opinions and views could have been asked? And I don't know the correct answer. There is a part of me that says, he decided to convert to Christianity so he should be buried as is the practice. Another part of me says, yes he decided to convert, but in times such as these, would it not be appropriate to ask his parents about what their thoughts were about this? Would their opinion on this not matter at all?
Like I mentioned earlier, I do not know what the answer to this question is. I am just putting my thoughts out here. But it is definitely something that needs further exploration. For someone like me who really doesn't believe in following any particular religion, it was an eye opener of sorts. Sometimes there is more to a story than what meets the eye and definitely in this case that is true....
Religiously yours
RD
Sunday, 2 November 2008
Back to Xavierietes (probably misspelt and too bored to go and do a spellcheck)
Hmmm so today the plan is to have another series of foot in mouth episodes. Okay the difference here is that the main character in this post has changed. Move over Wizard (for the time being) and welcome Mr. Puri Bail (PB). This will also probably end up being a very random post with no specific chronology (since PB has had too many such episodes and I will write about the ones that come to mind first).
Oh firstly, why the name Puri Bail. Happens that every evening a few of us, me, Grizzly B, Cass (for whom I've still not found an alternative name), PB and The nephew would come home in the same train. At times we would take a cab to the station, at times (rarely) we would walk to it, and on a couple of occasions we (me and PB) actually ran (at times all of us are allowed to do mindless things). So one such evening we were walking back and decided to stop at Khau gali to eat some chat. PB with his wonderful hindi decided that it was perhaps best that the ordering be left to someone else. Apparently, The nephew though claims that when asking for Bhelpuri, PB said something to the effect of, "Ek Puri Bail dena". :):)...and the rest as they say is History.
All right so now that we know how the name came about, a few more funny vignettes involving PB. Since PB and I lived fairly close in Mumbai, we would very often travel by the same train every morning. Any frequent train traveller in Mumbai will be familiar with the crowd in the Mumbai trains. So very often we would be standing in the train and since Cass, Grizzly B, Handy man and Gujju boy all lived in the same area they would be in the same train as well (different station but heck I guess you'll know what I'm trying to say). So as was the case every morning we get in to the train and start off the usual morning nonsensical jokes. I think everyone else except me and PB had a seat. As the train passed a few more stations, I think probably Bandra or Dadar there was a vacant seat nearby. PB had his back towards the seat so he didn't notice it. I on the other hand noticed it and also noticed that a gentleman (probably in his 40s) had moved towards the seat and was putting his bag overhead before sitting down. Not one to miss an opportunity to have some fun, I quickly told PB, "Dude there's a seat behind you sit quickly." Innocently PB immediately sat down. The guy who was planning on sitting was unaware of this as his back was towards PB and so the guy starts sitting down as well!!! As soon as he started sitting down, all of us were rolling in laughter and the expression on PB's face was priceless!!!
Okay moving forward to T.Y.BSc final exams and we were sitting outside the exam center, and perhaps the only 5-6 people laughing before the exam. I think everyone else was pretty disgusted with us at that point of time and we were definitely getting a lot of dirty looks. Well never mind that. So The Nephew suddenly starts, "oww oww oww"...and we are staring at him wondering wtf happened to him, he was fine a minute ago. The nephew turns to us and pointing to his ankles says, "My knees are hurting!!!"....Laughter.....followed by more disgusted looks...finally after a couple of mins, PB decides time for a smartass comment, " Dude I don't know where your knees are, but my knees are totally here"....pointing to his STOMACH!!!! More laughter and this time laughter with tears rolling down the eyes....The King of foot in mouth was at it once again!!!
Honestly there are loads of such incidents worth mentioning, but I've realized typing these takes a lot more time than I imagined, so this post will end here prematurely...but lots more to follow.
Oh firstly, why the name Puri Bail. Happens that every evening a few of us, me, Grizzly B, Cass (for whom I've still not found an alternative name), PB and The nephew would come home in the same train. At times we would take a cab to the station, at times (rarely) we would walk to it, and on a couple of occasions we (me and PB) actually ran (at times all of us are allowed to do mindless things). So one such evening we were walking back and decided to stop at Khau gali to eat some chat. PB with his wonderful hindi decided that it was perhaps best that the ordering be left to someone else. Apparently, The nephew though claims that when asking for Bhelpuri, PB said something to the effect of, "Ek Puri Bail dena". :):)...and the rest as they say is History.
All right so now that we know how the name came about, a few more funny vignettes involving PB. Since PB and I lived fairly close in Mumbai, we would very often travel by the same train every morning. Any frequent train traveller in Mumbai will be familiar with the crowd in the Mumbai trains. So very often we would be standing in the train and since Cass, Grizzly B, Handy man and Gujju boy all lived in the same area they would be in the same train as well (different station but heck I guess you'll know what I'm trying to say). So as was the case every morning we get in to the train and start off the usual morning nonsensical jokes. I think everyone else except me and PB had a seat. As the train passed a few more stations, I think probably Bandra or Dadar there was a vacant seat nearby. PB had his back towards the seat so he didn't notice it. I on the other hand noticed it and also noticed that a gentleman (probably in his 40s) had moved towards the seat and was putting his bag overhead before sitting down. Not one to miss an opportunity to have some fun, I quickly told PB, "Dude there's a seat behind you sit quickly." Innocently PB immediately sat down. The guy who was planning on sitting was unaware of this as his back was towards PB and so the guy starts sitting down as well!!! As soon as he started sitting down, all of us were rolling in laughter and the expression on PB's face was priceless!!!
Okay moving forward to T.Y.BSc final exams and we were sitting outside the exam center, and perhaps the only 5-6 people laughing before the exam. I think everyone else was pretty disgusted with us at that point of time and we were definitely getting a lot of dirty looks. Well never mind that. So The Nephew suddenly starts, "oww oww oww"...and we are staring at him wondering wtf happened to him, he was fine a minute ago. The nephew turns to us and pointing to his ankles says, "My knees are hurting!!!"....Laughter.....followed by more disgusted looks...finally after a couple of mins, PB decides time for a smartass comment, " Dude I don't know where your knees are, but my knees are totally here"....pointing to his STOMACH!!!! More laughter and this time laughter with tears rolling down the eyes....The King of foot in mouth was at it once again!!!
Honestly there are loads of such incidents worth mentioning, but I've realized typing these takes a lot more time than I imagined, so this post will end here prematurely...but lots more to follow.
Thursday, 23 October 2008
Spring Break Time!
So tomorrow I'm off to LA. It's almost been an irony that after being in the country for three years and having more than a few friends and acquaintances in LA, when I'm finally headed to LA it is for my annual NSGC (National Society of Genetic Counselors) conference. While there are definitely a few talks in this conference that I'm planning on attending, the main attraction still is the fact that I'll get to see some old friends again after a year!
Very conveniently we have renamed the annual conference as our annual spring break, for the simple reason that for my ex-classmates that is exactly what this conference is. Let your guard down and just have a good time...this is where I get to see the craziness of the otherwise politically correct genetic counselors. And boy is it fun! Seeing these chicks walking up to random guys, and flirting with them to get free drinks (hey I'm not complaining if I'm getting free drinks), dragging them when they are totally drunk back to their hotel rooms and trying to convince them that sleeping in their hotel room and not the lobby at 3.30 in the morning is a very normal thing to do :).
Last year we were in Kansas City and things were wild and crazy. I was sure that my pics would be flashed across the hotel cameras as I was literally dragging two drunk girls who were giggling to each other and screaming in the hallway...oh and did I mention that one of them actually flashed the security guard ;) I was half worried that some reality tv camera would catch me in this awkward pose and then breaking news : Asian male caught taking advantage of two white girls who were under the influence! Worse still: Asian male drugs two white girls and is caught dragging them in a hotel room at 3.30 in the morning :)
Considering this year we are gonna be in LA, where more alcohol will flow...more drunkness will happen and if at all I'll end up dragging more than 2 white girls who are 'not drunk but delightfully high' , and possibly will end up getting my 2 mins of fame on some camera :)
Very conveniently we have renamed the annual conference as our annual spring break, for the simple reason that for my ex-classmates that is exactly what this conference is. Let your guard down and just have a good time...this is where I get to see the craziness of the otherwise politically correct genetic counselors. And boy is it fun! Seeing these chicks walking up to random guys, and flirting with them to get free drinks (hey I'm not complaining if I'm getting free drinks), dragging them when they are totally drunk back to their hotel rooms and trying to convince them that sleeping in their hotel room and not the lobby at 3.30 in the morning is a very normal thing to do :).
Last year we were in Kansas City and things were wild and crazy. I was sure that my pics would be flashed across the hotel cameras as I was literally dragging two drunk girls who were giggling to each other and screaming in the hallway...oh and did I mention that one of them actually flashed the security guard ;) I was half worried that some reality tv camera would catch me in this awkward pose and then breaking news : Asian male caught taking advantage of two white girls who were under the influence! Worse still: Asian male drugs two white girls and is caught dragging them in a hotel room at 3.30 in the morning :)
Considering this year we are gonna be in LA, where more alcohol will flow...more drunkness will happen and if at all I'll end up dragging more than 2 white girls who are 'not drunk but delightfully high' , and possibly will end up getting my 2 mins of fame on some camera :)
Monday, 20 October 2008
Not foot but feet in mouth ;)
Setting: Living room of Browneyes' Pune flat...
Characters present: Yours truly (Neo also called RD at times depending on mood), Wizard the squeezer, Cass, Browneyes, Alpha female (biatch), Handy man and a few others...
Situation: It was around 11.00 pm at night and everyone was busy watching Omen II. Some of us like me had never seen the movie before and therefore were watching the movie with utmost concentration (awaiting the crow), others like the Handy man had watched the movie before and knew exactly what was to come. Some of us were sprawled on the floor, others were lying on the comfort of the sofa. Generally timepass was happening. Alpha female for some reason was not at all interested in the movie (as is the case with most English movies and her). Usually when she is watching an English movie with the gang, every 15 mins we have to pause the movie and then wizard has to explain to her what happened in the past 15 mins. Now if only you would pay a little attention to what they say in the film, it's actually pretty easy to follow what's goin on. But well...some of us prefer hearing stories rather than watching them.. fair enough. So continuing with this incident, the movie is going along and people start stretching about. Suddenly someone's leg comes over my face and I have to adjust, that kind of thing. So Wizard is sitting on the floor and is very uncomfortable.. He looks around but can't find anything comfortable nearby. Out of the blue, he looks at Cass and Browneyes and blurts out, "Give me something to squeeze!!!!!"..... Done...let the crow be damned and let Omen II be damned... full popat of horror movie...there are 6-7 people here sprawled on the floor laughing their guts out...:):):):)
Cass and Browneyes have no clue what wizard wants and have tears in their eyes and they laugh uncontrollably
Wizard: "I mean give me a pillow"... Yea right give me a pillow.
Handy man: Dude seriously I don't know what kind of things you think off, but squeezing something is definitely not something I would think of while watching a horror movie!!!
Fast forward to next afternoon. Generally janata is sitting in one of the first floor bedrooms and laughing about the gift that we had given Gujju boy/Dhokla boy on his birthday the past year. Browneyes who was unaware of this is very curious about this gift. So a little history about this. Happens that for some reason, people in this friend circle, have some fascination for gifting 'embarrassing gifts' to a person on his/her birthday. So on gujju boy's birthday he was (un)fortunate enough to be a recepient of one such gift. Exclusively selected by Grizzly B, Handy man and Cass from Crawford Market....special lingerie for Gujju Boy.... Cass had a very funny experience buying this as well...as she went to the shop to ask for this very special gift and the lady across the counter asked her for the size she was looking for, handy man quipped in," Arre koi bhi size chalega?!?!?!?!"....apparently the lady across the counter gave Cass a stare....I wonder why??? I mean it was Handy man who passed that comment right??? Well so going on... Browneyes finally heard the story out and was in splits as we narrated this incident to her and then out of curiosity asked,"so what color was it?".... (does it really matter?? I mean it's not like we were trying to match something here...the point was to embarrass gujju boy and embarrassed he was)...but again Wizard fresh from him squeezing comment decides one is not enough for the trip...I want more... blurts out, "Moist yellow!?!?!?"..... Do I really need to say what happened after this??? I mean there were shrieks of "eeeeee" followed by laughter for probably a good ten minutes.... I'm still not sure what colour Moist yellow is and where did wizard come up with this colour??? What was the thought process dude?? I mean ok I've heard of lemon yellow, pale yellow, yellow occur (probably spelt wrong...but this is the worst shade of yellow that I've seen in those camel water colours)... NEVER and I mean NEVER did I imagine I would hear of a MOIST YELLOW!!!
I've probably ensured a hate mail from Wizard, so I shall spare him for now although I can think of a few more of his wonderful one liners ;)....next update will probably focus on Mr. Puri Bail :)
Characters present: Yours truly (Neo also called RD at times depending on mood), Wizard the squeezer, Cass, Browneyes, Alpha female (biatch), Handy man and a few others...
Situation: It was around 11.00 pm at night and everyone was busy watching Omen II. Some of us like me had never seen the movie before and therefore were watching the movie with utmost concentration (awaiting the crow), others like the Handy man had watched the movie before and knew exactly what was to come. Some of us were sprawled on the floor, others were lying on the comfort of the sofa. Generally timepass was happening. Alpha female for some reason was not at all interested in the movie (as is the case with most English movies and her). Usually when she is watching an English movie with the gang, every 15 mins we have to pause the movie and then wizard has to explain to her what happened in the past 15 mins. Now if only you would pay a little attention to what they say in the film, it's actually pretty easy to follow what's goin on. But well...some of us prefer hearing stories rather than watching them.. fair enough. So continuing with this incident, the movie is going along and people start stretching about. Suddenly someone's leg comes over my face and I have to adjust, that kind of thing. So Wizard is sitting on the floor and is very uncomfortable.. He looks around but can't find anything comfortable nearby. Out of the blue, he looks at Cass and Browneyes and blurts out, "Give me something to squeeze!!!!!"..... Done...let the crow be damned and let Omen II be damned... full popat of horror movie...there are 6-7 people here sprawled on the floor laughing their guts out...:):):):)
Cass and Browneyes have no clue what wizard wants and have tears in their eyes and they laugh uncontrollably
Wizard: "I mean give me a pillow"... Yea right give me a pillow.
Handy man: Dude seriously I don't know what kind of things you think off, but squeezing something is definitely not something I would think of while watching a horror movie!!!
Fast forward to next afternoon. Generally janata is sitting in one of the first floor bedrooms and laughing about the gift that we had given Gujju boy/Dhokla boy on his birthday the past year. Browneyes who was unaware of this is very curious about this gift. So a little history about this. Happens that for some reason, people in this friend circle, have some fascination for gifting 'embarrassing gifts' to a person on his/her birthday. So on gujju boy's birthday he was (un)fortunate enough to be a recepient of one such gift. Exclusively selected by Grizzly B, Handy man and Cass from Crawford Market....special lingerie for Gujju Boy.... Cass had a very funny experience buying this as well...as she went to the shop to ask for this very special gift and the lady across the counter asked her for the size she was looking for, handy man quipped in," Arre koi bhi size chalega?!?!?!?!"....apparently the lady across the counter gave Cass a stare....I wonder why??? I mean it was Handy man who passed that comment right??? Well so going on... Browneyes finally heard the story out and was in splits as we narrated this incident to her and then out of curiosity asked,"so what color was it?".... (does it really matter?? I mean it's not like we were trying to match something here...the point was to embarrass gujju boy and embarrassed he was)...but again Wizard fresh from him squeezing comment decides one is not enough for the trip...I want more... blurts out, "Moist yellow!?!?!?"..... Do I really need to say what happened after this??? I mean there were shrieks of "eeeeee" followed by laughter for probably a good ten minutes.... I'm still not sure what colour Moist yellow is and where did wizard come up with this colour??? What was the thought process dude?? I mean ok I've heard of lemon yellow, pale yellow, yellow occur (probably spelt wrong...but this is the worst shade of yellow that I've seen in those camel water colours)... NEVER and I mean NEVER did I imagine I would hear of a MOIST YELLOW!!!
I've probably ensured a hate mail from Wizard, so I shall spare him for now although I can think of a few more of his wonderful one liners ;)....next update will probably focus on Mr. Puri Bail :)
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
The Characters
All right this is just the introduction to the characters that will be mentioned on this blog in the future. Now that all the permission taking has happened and most people (actually all) have agreed to be written about, we shall commence. On a side note everyone was okay with me taking their real names, but since pseudo names sound that much more fun(ner) we shall use pseudo names... So today one by one we will get to know the most distinguishing characteristics of all these characters...(I think this is becoming character overdose)..
The Charging Bear (will also at times be called Grizzly bear or simply Grizzly B depending on how bored I am of typing): This homo sapien has many unique qualities and also happened to be one of the first friends I made in Xaviers. I have no clue why he choose a name like Grizzly B considering he is not the hairiest person I've met...but maybe he sees some other common qualities of a bear in him. Grizzly B can come up with the most unheard of thoughts ( the discussion about dog meat in my last blog was courtsey Grizzly B), in a situation which is nowhere related to such thoughts (maybe I didn't get my point across there...but if you know him you know what I mean). He also has the biggest collection of pornography (I just had to say this somewhere) and can have discussions, rather debates in how porn in different countries and languages differs. Often this discussion becomes a monolouge since no one else has anything to contribute due to lack of knowledge :). Grizzly B is also a player. I don't know if he will like me saying this or no but hey this blog isn't about being politically correct. But Grizzly B also is one of the smartest people I've met and can easily hold his ground and probably outshine most others in a debate (other than porn also). He's also a big music fan and his music collection I believe far outshines his porn collection...more about him later in future posts.
Wizard The Squeezer: As the name suggests, he is a little different :) . Probably one of the more philosophical types, but every now and then bound to make some horrendous bloomer (which is how he gets the name). "Always think from the third person's point of view"....I've probably heard this sentence at least once every week from him. Over the years he has changed a lot and has become a lot more open and comfortable with emotions (he may disagree, but then this is my opinion!). He generally is not the sort who will create a fuss about anything and likes to be in harmony with most people, not the confrontational sort by any means. A voracious reader and someone who will voice his opinion in a very calculated manner (most times), but when he makes bloomers they are the most classic ones (as I shall describe in future posts).
Cass: I don't quite know why she choose this name, but I've never quite understood her fascination for Greek names in the first place. Cass is probably my closest friend (now everyone knows who I am talking about) and someone who knows me better than most others. She has been my agony aunt and patiently heard me out when I've been irrational (Grizzly B and The Wizard also will fall in this category). She's also been the one who has been subject to the most atrocious nick names courtsey yours truly (never quite got over 'raapchik'). Cass is another smart woman and is one of the few who is not shy to voice her opinion in a crowd that she is familiar with. She will usually refrain from making any extreme comments, and take the middle ground, but with her you get what you see. If it's a spade it will be called a spade. The best thing about Cass is that she and I disagree on a lot of things, but we are able to put these differences aside and find a common ground most times (there are some exceptions...remember our argument about proposals!!).
Mr. Puri Bail: He was, is and will remain the king of foot in mouth syndrome. He's one of a kind and when I say that I mean every single word. Also, he was, is and will remain the 'firang' in the group. The million dollar question that everyone has is how did this guy pass his school exams in Hindi and Marathi??? His answer is for marathi he just changed, "hain" to "ahe".... The rest of us feel his writing was probably so bad that the poor examiner decided to have some pity on him :):):).... He will probably end up being the guy most written about here in future posts, courtsey his wonderful bloomers (probably beating Wizard's bloomers). But he is also a genuinely nice guy and someone who has become a very good friend over the years.
The Nephew: :):):) Don't we all know who we are talking about here. He could alternately be called Mr. Confidence as well, for the only reason that he is the guy will confidently answer every question asked to him in the manner, tone and with a face that suggests that he is the expert in this field! He is also someone who has had arguments about the 'gear box' of a car at 7.15 in the morning in a train when most others were still half asleep. The nephew is also one of the most enthusiastic people I've met. His collection of music will probably challenge Grizzly B's.... He was always the New Year's planner and I must say he did a pretty good job of planning the parties...A very good DJ as well.
Brown eyes: After Mr. Puri Bail if anyone had a hard time being the 'target' it was probably brown eyes who will also at times be called "Sheru" (and now I will be abused). Had some fascination for purple, had the pleasure of experiencing the Sun's first rays every morning, one of the few people who drove a car to college in Mumbai (rich sindhi girl), always liked to 'share' her food and a big time party animal (much like the nephew).
The Alpha female: Longest last name (no seriously like after knowing her for 6 months I still couldn't pronounce her last name). Very opinionated and NOT AT ALL SHY TO VOICE HER OPINION. Still suffers from an undiagnosed syndrome (research is on and she has willingly agreed to be part of a study that I am conducting). Very emotional and very likely to cry at the drop of a hat. She's had some absolute fantastic episodes worth narrating.
The Gujju Boy: At first he comes across as the most sober, decent person in this group of people. Once you get to know him, all these misconceptions are easily erased! He has had the most number of misadventures after being drunk..and the stories he starts telling when he is drunk are definitely worth hearing (red slipper and blue slipper). He also loves to give gyaan to people (thankfully not when he is drunk).
Handy Man: He is exactly that... the handy man, alternately he could also be called Mr. Argumentative but then I shall be good to him for now at least (after all he is arranging my New Years is Goa this year). Handy man has MPD for sure. But on the whole Handy man is a good friend to have and he is someone who usually does a lot for friends....
There are some other characters also who will probably be written about in the future and I shall mention their characteristics at that time...
Some vignettes about this group will be posted soon...
The Charging Bear (will also at times be called Grizzly bear or simply Grizzly B depending on how bored I am of typing): This homo sapien has many unique qualities and also happened to be one of the first friends I made in Xaviers. I have no clue why he choose a name like Grizzly B considering he is not the hairiest person I've met...but maybe he sees some other common qualities of a bear in him. Grizzly B can come up with the most unheard of thoughts ( the discussion about dog meat in my last blog was courtsey Grizzly B), in a situation which is nowhere related to such thoughts (maybe I didn't get my point across there...but if you know him you know what I mean). He also has the biggest collection of pornography (I just had to say this somewhere) and can have discussions, rather debates in how porn in different countries and languages differs. Often this discussion becomes a monolouge since no one else has anything to contribute due to lack of knowledge :). Grizzly B is also a player. I don't know if he will like me saying this or no but hey this blog isn't about being politically correct. But Grizzly B also is one of the smartest people I've met and can easily hold his ground and probably outshine most others in a debate (other than porn also). He's also a big music fan and his music collection I believe far outshines his porn collection...more about him later in future posts.
Wizard The Squeezer: As the name suggests, he is a little different :) . Probably one of the more philosophical types, but every now and then bound to make some horrendous bloomer (which is how he gets the name). "Always think from the third person's point of view"....I've probably heard this sentence at least once every week from him. Over the years he has changed a lot and has become a lot more open and comfortable with emotions (he may disagree, but then this is my opinion!). He generally is not the sort who will create a fuss about anything and likes to be in harmony with most people, not the confrontational sort by any means. A voracious reader and someone who will voice his opinion in a very calculated manner (most times), but when he makes bloomers they are the most classic ones (as I shall describe in future posts).
Cass: I don't quite know why she choose this name, but I've never quite understood her fascination for Greek names in the first place. Cass is probably my closest friend (now everyone knows who I am talking about) and someone who knows me better than most others. She has been my agony aunt and patiently heard me out when I've been irrational (Grizzly B and The Wizard also will fall in this category). She's also been the one who has been subject to the most atrocious nick names courtsey yours truly (never quite got over 'raapchik'). Cass is another smart woman and is one of the few who is not shy to voice her opinion in a crowd that she is familiar with. She will usually refrain from making any extreme comments, and take the middle ground, but with her you get what you see. If it's a spade it will be called a spade. The best thing about Cass is that she and I disagree on a lot of things, but we are able to put these differences aside and find a common ground most times (there are some exceptions...remember our argument about proposals!!).
Mr. Puri Bail: He was, is and will remain the king of foot in mouth syndrome. He's one of a kind and when I say that I mean every single word. Also, he was, is and will remain the 'firang' in the group. The million dollar question that everyone has is how did this guy pass his school exams in Hindi and Marathi??? His answer is for marathi he just changed, "hain" to "ahe".... The rest of us feel his writing was probably so bad that the poor examiner decided to have some pity on him :):):).... He will probably end up being the guy most written about here in future posts, courtsey his wonderful bloomers (probably beating Wizard's bloomers). But he is also a genuinely nice guy and someone who has become a very good friend over the years.
The Nephew: :):):) Don't we all know who we are talking about here. He could alternately be called Mr. Confidence as well, for the only reason that he is the guy will confidently answer every question asked to him in the manner, tone and with a face that suggests that he is the expert in this field! He is also someone who has had arguments about the 'gear box' of a car at 7.15 in the morning in a train when most others were still half asleep. The nephew is also one of the most enthusiastic people I've met. His collection of music will probably challenge Grizzly B's.... He was always the New Year's planner and I must say he did a pretty good job of planning the parties...A very good DJ as well.
Brown eyes: After Mr. Puri Bail if anyone had a hard time being the 'target' it was probably brown eyes who will also at times be called "Sheru" (and now I will be abused). Had some fascination for purple, had the pleasure of experiencing the Sun's first rays every morning, one of the few people who drove a car to college in Mumbai (rich sindhi girl), always liked to 'share' her food and a big time party animal (much like the nephew).
The Alpha female: Longest last name (no seriously like after knowing her for 6 months I still couldn't pronounce her last name). Very opinionated and NOT AT ALL SHY TO VOICE HER OPINION. Still suffers from an undiagnosed syndrome (research is on and she has willingly agreed to be part of a study that I am conducting). Very emotional and very likely to cry at the drop of a hat. She's had some absolute fantastic episodes worth narrating.
The Gujju Boy: At first he comes across as the most sober, decent person in this group of people. Once you get to know him, all these misconceptions are easily erased! He has had the most number of misadventures after being drunk..and the stories he starts telling when he is drunk are definitely worth hearing (red slipper and blue slipper). He also loves to give gyaan to people (thankfully not when he is drunk).
Handy Man: He is exactly that... the handy man, alternately he could also be called Mr. Argumentative but then I shall be good to him for now at least (after all he is arranging my New Years is Goa this year). Handy man has MPD for sure. But on the whole Handy man is a good friend to have and he is someone who usually does a lot for friends....
There are some other characters also who will probably be written about in the future and I shall mention their characteristics at that time...
Some vignettes about this group will be posted soon...
Sunday, 12 October 2008
The Bird And The Bee
Date: July 2005.
Setting: Breakfast table in the Mumbai flat.
Occupants: Mom, dad, grand mom and I.
"So last night i was out with my friends, Charging Bear, Handy man, Mr. Puri Bail, and Dhokla boy and we were talking about this very weird topic which Charging Bear initiated", I said as I gulped down my coffee.
"What was this discussion about?", asked my mom.
"Well Charging Bear generally asked us a question, no rather he gave us a situation and asked us what we would do if we were in this particular situation. Situation is, you are hungry for the past 3-4 days and there is no one there to give you any food (hypothetically). You are living alone with your pet, a dog and you have heard dog meat tastes great (again hypothetically). What will you do?". For the sake of this post, I won't go in to the details of that discussion coz that is not what this post is about. But essentially I went over this entire discussion with my parents and unfortunately since my grand mom happened to be there, she had to be a silent spectator. She was probably thinking that me and my friends need psychiatric help for even discussing things such as these. Well fast forward. Breakfast over, I cleared the table (yes that was my responsibility in the house) and we sat in the living room.
"What is your view of pre-marital sex?", asked my mom. My grand mom cringed in her sofa, probably wondering why she had to hear this conversation. I was like, damn did they find anything they were not supposed to?? No, no that's not possible. Relief.... "Well, if the guy and girl (I didn't want to scandalize my parents with a discussion about homosexuality, so I stuck to guy and girl...yes I am very much straight thank you) are both willing, are aware of the possible consequences and are willing to take the necessary precautions and safe measures, then I don't see why anyone else should have a problem with it". "So you're okay with it", said my mom. "Well yea, I mean like I said, if the couple (notice this time I said couple not girl or guy) is mutually okay with it and are taking the precautions, I am ok with it." My grand mom began to shift in her sofa and started reading her newspaper loudly (it's a very irritating habit, I mean you want to read something read quietly na, why do we have to hear what you are reading?). My mom continued the discussion and after 10 mins my grand mom exploded, " do we have to have this conversation?". My parents and me were like, " well clearly you don't!" And then we got the entire bhashan about, "We are Indians, we don't discuss these things (she didn't want to use the word sex) in family. This is not our culture, only the Westerners do all this and they are spoiling everything......blah blah blah". You get the point na...the usual grand mom discussion.
And that's when I thought, why do we as a nation get so uncomfortable talking about sex?? I mean it's clear that it's happening everywhere. We happen to have the second largest population in the world, clearly that is not coincidence is it??? Definitely a lot of people in this country are having sex, probably more than they should be, but no one's willing to talk about it. In so many schools there is still no one who is willing to talk about sex education. Why go anywhere else, in my school we didn't have a sex ed class. Either we have teachers who are not willing to talk about it in school with students or there are parents who don't want teachers to teach their children about sex ed. Why are we in denial??? Why is it embarrassing to talk about sex and why does it make people cringe when someone decides to have a discussion about sex??
Very often we hear older people (people who are a generation or two older than me) say, "Oh today's generation is very promiscuous, we have such a population problem and these youngsters all just talk abt having sex". Ok before we jump to conclusions, the reason this country has a population problem is because I have thirteen first cousins once removed and fifteen great uncles....so it is not my generation, it was your generation that was ' having a lot of sex thank you'.
It's high time that we come out of our pretences and accept that sex has been 'going on' since a zillion years and it will continue for a zillion more years. Instead of being in denial we should come out in the open and educate people about it. STD's are spreading world over and by just being quiet about it, b'coz it is not a part of our culture is no excuse. The time has come that we as responsible citizens decide to take the right actions by educating the youth about safe sex, or about the 'birds and the bees' as some ppl call it.
On a side note, whoever came up with the term 'The birds and the bees'. I mean hello, what is the correlation?? I was watching stand up comedy one day and I hear Vir Das (if you haven't heard him, do it now) say the same thing, "Whoever came up with this term, the birds and the bees???," I wonder if it was the Americans?? (my white friends forgive me) But really birds and the bees??? I mean I would pay money to watch a bird and a bee go at it!!! (No, no seriously I am not in to any kinky shit, but man birds and bees is just too much to fathom!)
Setting: Breakfast table in the Mumbai flat.
Occupants: Mom, dad, grand mom and I.
"So last night i was out with my friends, Charging Bear, Handy man, Mr. Puri Bail, and Dhokla boy and we were talking about this very weird topic which Charging Bear initiated", I said as I gulped down my coffee.
"What was this discussion about?", asked my mom.
"Well Charging Bear generally asked us a question, no rather he gave us a situation and asked us what we would do if we were in this particular situation. Situation is, you are hungry for the past 3-4 days and there is no one there to give you any food (hypothetically). You are living alone with your pet, a dog and you have heard dog meat tastes great (again hypothetically). What will you do?". For the sake of this post, I won't go in to the details of that discussion coz that is not what this post is about. But essentially I went over this entire discussion with my parents and unfortunately since my grand mom happened to be there, she had to be a silent spectator. She was probably thinking that me and my friends need psychiatric help for even discussing things such as these. Well fast forward. Breakfast over, I cleared the table (yes that was my responsibility in the house) and we sat in the living room.
"What is your view of pre-marital sex?", asked my mom. My grand mom cringed in her sofa, probably wondering why she had to hear this conversation. I was like, damn did they find anything they were not supposed to?? No, no that's not possible. Relief.... "Well, if the guy and girl (I didn't want to scandalize my parents with a discussion about homosexuality, so I stuck to guy and girl...yes I am very much straight thank you) are both willing, are aware of the possible consequences and are willing to take the necessary precautions and safe measures, then I don't see why anyone else should have a problem with it". "So you're okay with it", said my mom. "Well yea, I mean like I said, if the couple (notice this time I said couple not girl or guy) is mutually okay with it and are taking the precautions, I am ok with it." My grand mom began to shift in her sofa and started reading her newspaper loudly (it's a very irritating habit, I mean you want to read something read quietly na, why do we have to hear what you are reading?). My mom continued the discussion and after 10 mins my grand mom exploded, " do we have to have this conversation?". My parents and me were like, " well clearly you don't!" And then we got the entire bhashan about, "We are Indians, we don't discuss these things (she didn't want to use the word sex) in family. This is not our culture, only the Westerners do all this and they are spoiling everything......blah blah blah". You get the point na...the usual grand mom discussion.
And that's when I thought, why do we as a nation get so uncomfortable talking about sex?? I mean it's clear that it's happening everywhere. We happen to have the second largest population in the world, clearly that is not coincidence is it??? Definitely a lot of people in this country are having sex, probably more than they should be, but no one's willing to talk about it. In so many schools there is still no one who is willing to talk about sex education. Why go anywhere else, in my school we didn't have a sex ed class. Either we have teachers who are not willing to talk about it in school with students or there are parents who don't want teachers to teach their children about sex ed. Why are we in denial??? Why is it embarrassing to talk about sex and why does it make people cringe when someone decides to have a discussion about sex??
Very often we hear older people (people who are a generation or two older than me) say, "Oh today's generation is very promiscuous, we have such a population problem and these youngsters all just talk abt having sex". Ok before we jump to conclusions, the reason this country has a population problem is because I have thirteen first cousins once removed and fifteen great uncles....so it is not my generation, it was your generation that was ' having a lot of sex thank you'.
It's high time that we come out of our pretences and accept that sex has been 'going on' since a zillion years and it will continue for a zillion more years. Instead of being in denial we should come out in the open and educate people about it. STD's are spreading world over and by just being quiet about it, b'coz it is not a part of our culture is no excuse. The time has come that we as responsible citizens decide to take the right actions by educating the youth about safe sex, or about the 'birds and the bees' as some ppl call it.
On a side note, whoever came up with the term 'The birds and the bees'. I mean hello, what is the correlation?? I was watching stand up comedy one day and I hear Vir Das (if you haven't heard him, do it now) say the same thing, "Whoever came up with this term, the birds and the bees???," I wonder if it was the Americans?? (my white friends forgive me) But really birds and the bees??? I mean I would pay money to watch a bird and a bee go at it!!! (No, no seriously I am not in to any kinky shit, but man birds and bees is just too much to fathom!)
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
A Day In The Life Of.....
8.30 am: "Crap, I'm late again!", I heard myself say as I hurriedly kicked my car door and ran towards the elevators. As I entered the elevator I made a mental note, of not stopping at Starbucks in the morning before coming to the clinic. Invariably the person before me in the line is always not sure of what he/she wants and will spend a good 5 mins staring at the menu and changing their mind at least thrice (ok not always but you get the point na). Anyways I rush in to the clinic and enter my room. Dim lights are switched on in my cave (that's what ppl in the clinic call my room since it's always so dark in here), I log on my computer and look at the patient schedule. "Only five patients this morning, great", I say. After that regular checking of email happens, I make a round of the entire clinic to see who is there, some early morning chatting happens with a couple of people, you know the general hi, how are you, how was your day yesterday etc etc...
9.00am: "I have a patient ready for you Rupin", I hear my sonographer say (for confidentiality reasons except mine no one else's name will be disclosed here). Quickly I look at all the images, " CRL is within the range, NT looks good, nasal bone is seen, heart rate is good, i see the placenta, the ovaries, cervix and the BPD", I say to myself. I glance through the screening questionnaire and the patient has checked 'no' everywhere. Allright this is gonna be a easy one, 10-15 mins and I will have given good news to my patient, she will be happy, I will be happy and everyone can then live happily every after (this is the consequence of watching too many hindi movies...why do they always have to have a happy ending???). I enter the room, introductions are made, we start off with small talk, the usual howz your day been coming along so far, and the likes.... We talk about the ultrasound findings which are all very good, patient is very happy, I am very happy, she doesn't have any questions (now I am not happy, I always like patients to ask me questions...more about this later), so I take her to the blood draw room, blood is drawn patient is ready to go.
One down four more to go. I sit in my room looking at the images for the next patient on my computer screen. Ok everything looks good here again. So coming back to my point of me liking patients asking questions. Maybe for purely selfish reasons, I love patients asking questions. To me it's a sign that they are definitely paying attention to what we are discussing, it's usually an indication that they are understanding what I am saying and more importantly it's a feedback mechanism for me. It helps me get better at my craft when patients ask me questions. So like I mentioned earlier, if not for anything else then for purely selfish reasons I encourage questions always. As I gulp down the last sip of my coffee, there's again a knock on my door and my second patient is ready. I've already looked at the images and everything here looks good. Now I skim through the questionnaire and oh nice the patient has marked 'yes' on a few items here. So there is a family history of hemophilia here, interesting. It's a maternal first cousin, so mentally I am already doing risk calculations now to see what is the chance my patients pregnancy could be an increased risk. This is the only place where me and math get along! Thank God I like probability, otherwise me and the field I am in would have had some serious issues. I finish doing my risk calculations, look up testing options, look at what insurance plan the patient has, briefly go through what I will say to the patient to myself and think about the last time I had a patient who had a family history of hemophilia and what we had discussed. I always do that! As I enter the room, I see the sonographer take the next patient in the ultrasound room. She looks very happy, her husband/partner is with her and I hear them say, " This is our first pregnancy are we are so excited about this."
Again the same routine, go in and introduce yourself, small talk happens, you tell the patient about the ultrasound, then you discuss the family history. Ask the patient if she is interested in proceeding with prenatal testing. "No, I don't want to do that." 'That's fine, it's definitely your choice," I hear myself say. Then we talk about hemophilia, what it is, symptoms, inheritance patterns, I start with my favourite drawings of X-linked inheritance, we talk about genes and chromosomes and all those good things. Then I ask her what her understanding of hemophilia is and what her experience is of being around a person with hemophilia. Basically I am trying to see here if she knows what a typical life is for someone with hemophilia. Considering there is a chance that she may have a child with it, it is my responsibility to make sure that she knows what it is like to raise a child with one (I am not saying it is tough or easy here no judgments at all, I am giving her a balanced view). Sounds like she has a good idea of it, her cousin is the same age as she is and they were raised in the same sort of environment and are really close so growing up she had a good idea of what it is. I make sure that I document everything that was said, especially the fact that patient declined prenatal testing. In a country where ppl are very "lawyer happy", I want to make sure I save my ass! All right all done here.
10.30 am: I just about manage to enter my room and as I enter the room I see a note on my door from the sonographer,"Please look at the images immediately and call up the OB's office". This is definitely something serious, I say to myself. I look at the images.... CRL is less that what we would expect at this point, I see a couple of other images and then I see the reason for the note.... no heart rate. It's a fetal demise. "Crap, crap crap, not today". I can see myself going in the room, this time I can't have a smile on my face when I enter, I can't say congratulations to the couple for the pregnancy, I can't say so far on the ultrasound things look good...instead I have to be the bearer of bad news....and as I walk down the corridor to enter the counseling room, I pass the ultrasound room where I heard the couple laughing half a hour ago, " This is our first pregnancy and we are so excited about it", is what I remember them saying. And now I have to go there and tell them , " I am so sorry, but there is no heart rate for the baby" (well i don't use those very words but essentially that is what I have to convey). I stop outside the room, I don't want to knock and enter the room and go inside. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news. I take a deep breath and say to myself, " You've done this before, you can do it now". How will they react? Will they be angry and shout, will they not believe me and insist on having another ultrasound, will they just sit there and take what I say with a stoic, blank face (I hope not), will they cry (pls pls do cry). I knock on the door and I enter the room. I introduce myself and I sit down. This time there is no small talk, how can I ask them about the weather two minutes before telling them their baby is no more? I directly get to the point. We talk about the ultrasound and then slowly my voice starts getting softer and cracking as I break the news to them. My patient looks at me and I can see tears rolling down her cheek, I can see her husband hold her hand, he's trying to be strong but can't hold back his tears. They try controlling their tears..."It's okay to cry", I hear myself say as I pass tissues to them. "Why did this happen to us" Maybe it's something I did", my patient says. I hear her out and gently say,"This was not your fault. Unfortunately we don't know why this happened, what I do know is that this did not happen because of anything you did" (okay important to note she is a non smoker and a teetotaller). They want pictures of the baby, so I give them some pictures. Lots of psychosocial counseling happens and in the end the couple leaves. I make sure that they are checked out from the back door so that no one else knows what happened.
11.30am: I am ready to just crash on my chair and sit quietly for some time. This is always difficult to do, and so it should be. I've done this before, but it's always just as tough to tell someone that they have lost their baby (and so it should be). I want to just sit and do nothing for some time, but my sonographer has two patients ready to be counseled and so I must go on.....
Fast forward to 5.00pm: I've just finished writing all the letters for all the patients I've seen and finally I have "Rupin time". My friends are well aware of this concept. Rupin time essentially is that time where I don't like being disturbed. I want to be by myself and will not entertain anyone at this moment and today I need Rupin time bigtime! I reflect upon my day and think about the hemophilia patient first. I remember how she was not interested in prenatal testing and I think about how my previous patient with a family history of hemophilia was so paranoid about it and wanted testing at any cost. I think about how different patients make different decisions and I can hear Tressa (my supervisor in grad school) say, "Rupin if all our patients made the same decisions, we would not be doing our job properly". I think about the patient with the fetal death and think about how I could have counseled that patient better, make a few notes about it, so that the next time I have to deal with it, I can use some other techniques...yes next time, coz I know there will definitely be a next time. It's not a question of if, rather it's a question of when...
Monday, 29 September 2008
Things I Miss Most About Being Back Home
After being in the US for about three years now I'm pretty much used to living here and the lifestyle over here. But every now and then there are things that I miss about Mumbai...
Random chance meetings with acquaintances/ friends
Eating chaat in Elco market
Random phone calls to meet friends at all odd hours
Driving off in the middle of the night to Lonavala with friends
Meeting over a cup of coffee past midnight
The hustle and bustle in the city
The travel through the crowded roads
Seeing people walk on the road (Believe me you don't see people walking on the roads here)
Honking when I drive!
Rolling down my car window to abuse someone who just decided to cut right across me :)
The Crazy Traffic...yes I miss it sometimes
Waking up to Jaggu and Tarana say, "Good Morningggggg Mumbai" on the radio
Security of knowing that come what may I can get out of any situation here (well almost any).....
The comfort of knowing that a loved one is only a phone call away
Sitting for hours in a Barista or a Cafe' Coffee Day for no particular reason
Laughing with friends over dialogues of Andaz Apna Apna :)
Living life the way it should be lived... to the fullest....
Random chance meetings with acquaintances/ friends
Eating chaat in Elco market
Random phone calls to meet friends at all odd hours
Driving off in the middle of the night to Lonavala with friends
Meeting over a cup of coffee past midnight
The hustle and bustle in the city
The travel through the crowded roads
Seeing people walk on the road (Believe me you don't see people walking on the roads here)
Honking when I drive!
Rolling down my car window to abuse someone who just decided to cut right across me :)
The Crazy Traffic...yes I miss it sometimes
Waking up to Jaggu and Tarana say, "Good Morningggggg Mumbai" on the radio
Security of knowing that come what may I can get out of any situation here (well almost any).....
The comfort of knowing that a loved one is only a phone call away
Sitting for hours in a Barista or a Cafe' Coffee Day for no particular reason
Laughing with friends over dialogues of Andaz Apna Apna :)
Living life the way it should be lived... to the fullest....
Thursday, 25 September 2008
Top 5 Reasons Why I am single...
A couple of weeks ago, Houston was hit rather severely by hurricane Ike and as a result the city has been pretty much a mess for the most part. No electricity, gas shortage, people fighting in lines to enter grocery stories etc etc. In short lot of drama was happening. So here I was sitting at home from 6 in the evening to 10 at night with nothing to do. I'd pretty much exhausted reading all the books I have at home, no TV, no Internet, phone had to be used sparingly with the fear of exhausting the batteries. Basically idle mind was happening, and so to try and overcome any devious ideas that would otherwise start creeping in, I decided it was time for introspection... Now that is quite some introduction isn't it.
I started by analyzing why my past relationship had failed. It's been a good four years but since I've always used avoidance as my coping mechanism ,I never quite got to analyze what went wrong there. Anyways, it's probably best that I don't go in to the details of that analysis. But then I started thinking about me being single and pretty happy about it. Parents and other family members obviously are starting to make some noise about it, but I can handle that. Next thought was about the reasons why I am still single and I came up with quite a few.
1) I have a mental image of being with a woman who is more of a tomboy (I am very much straight), someone who is very adventurous, someone will go bungee jumping with me, someone who will play tennis with me on weekends, someone who is willing to get down and dirty and messy and sweaty (while cleaning ;)). Someone who will not want me to get down and open the door of the car for her, someone who will not wait for me to hold the door for her as she walks, someone who will not expect me to pull the chair out as she sits. Sure there are times when I get very chivalrous and will open the door for the lady and pull the chair out for her and stuff. But for the most part I'm most comfortable with women who are very informal like I am. And not that there are not many such girls out there, but I've still to meet one that fascinates me.
2) My obsession for speaking English the correct way (for me this is the British English). Although I do like the US, I still prefer the British English. The use of articles, 'a, an and the' is something most Americans don't understand and that drives me crazy. And nowadays it is difficult to find a person who speaks the British English (if she has the British accent, that will definitely get a few more brownie points). This has nothing to do with Americans or Britishers for that matter, but anyone who pronounces 'ask' as 'aks' really gets on my nerves big time and there are several people in my family who do it. Mom thanks for all those grammar lessons as a child :)
3) I am bad at remembering dates. Birthdays, Anniversaries...you name it. I was never able to remember my ex's birthday and always got in to trouble for that. I admit to a certain extent it was my fault. I mean on her birthday I called her to play the April Fool's joke on her, but I forgot to wish her a happy birthday! I never understand why dates play such an important role in a woman's life. I mean not only are you expected to remember her birthday, but also her mother's, her father's, her dog's , her best friend's (who keeps changing every three months). It doesn't stop there, you are expected to remember the date you first held hands, first kiss, first......gimme a break! Jeez if you are so interested in dates then you should think of being with a historian na not a biologist. We only remember those days of the month that are safe ;). And yes it takes me time to remember that time of the month when suddenly the hormones take complete control and irrational behavior and demands are justifiable. In the year and half that I was with my ex, I had gotten used to getting angry phone calls past midnight every month. After a few of these, the light bulb flashed in my head and that was my cue, " Time to be a patient listener, remove the guy hat of wanting to solve problems, right now it is time to zip up and listen, that is all."
4) I am not willing to spend money on flowers. Why are flowers important to women? Even if you gift her a car, if it's not accompanied by a flower, the look you will get on her face is priceless. It's almost like any gift is incomplete without a flower. A life-form that is meant to wither away and is certain to meet it's death in a few days, for some unknown reason is of prime importance to women. I must admit though flowers also work when you screw up (for the most part). However, I am not ready to spend money on flowers.
5) My flat (apartment) is not the best organized one and very often there are empty coffee mugs lying around, there are clothes thrown around, books piled up. In short it's a mess. But in my mess I know where things are kept. I have yet to meet a girl who has at some time or the other not offered to clean it. "No", I say, 'you'll mess up the system if you clear it up'. This is how I like my things to be, it's my system, it's worked for twenty odd years, I don't see why it can't work further.
OK now I can't think of a sixth reason and I think five reasons are good enough to make me feel good.
I started by analyzing why my past relationship had failed. It's been a good four years but since I've always used avoidance as my coping mechanism ,I never quite got to analyze what went wrong there. Anyways, it's probably best that I don't go in to the details of that analysis. But then I started thinking about me being single and pretty happy about it. Parents and other family members obviously are starting to make some noise about it, but I can handle that. Next thought was about the reasons why I am still single and I came up with quite a few.
1) I have a mental image of being with a woman who is more of a tomboy (I am very much straight), someone who is very adventurous, someone will go bungee jumping with me, someone who will play tennis with me on weekends, someone who is willing to get down and dirty and messy and sweaty (while cleaning ;)). Someone who will not want me to get down and open the door of the car for her, someone who will not wait for me to hold the door for her as she walks, someone who will not expect me to pull the chair out as she sits. Sure there are times when I get very chivalrous and will open the door for the lady and pull the chair out for her and stuff. But for the most part I'm most comfortable with women who are very informal like I am. And not that there are not many such girls out there, but I've still to meet one that fascinates me.
2) My obsession for speaking English the correct way (for me this is the British English). Although I do like the US, I still prefer the British English. The use of articles, 'a, an and the' is something most Americans don't understand and that drives me crazy. And nowadays it is difficult to find a person who speaks the British English (if she has the British accent, that will definitely get a few more brownie points). This has nothing to do with Americans or Britishers for that matter, but anyone who pronounces 'ask' as 'aks' really gets on my nerves big time and there are several people in my family who do it. Mom thanks for all those grammar lessons as a child :)
3) I am bad at remembering dates. Birthdays, Anniversaries...you name it. I was never able to remember my ex's birthday and always got in to trouble for that. I admit to a certain extent it was my fault. I mean on her birthday I called her to play the April Fool's joke on her, but I forgot to wish her a happy birthday! I never understand why dates play such an important role in a woman's life. I mean not only are you expected to remember her birthday, but also her mother's, her father's, her dog's , her best friend's (who keeps changing every three months). It doesn't stop there, you are expected to remember the date you first held hands, first kiss, first......gimme a break! Jeez if you are so interested in dates then you should think of being with a historian na not a biologist. We only remember those days of the month that are safe ;). And yes it takes me time to remember that time of the month when suddenly the hormones take complete control and irrational behavior and demands are justifiable. In the year and half that I was with my ex, I had gotten used to getting angry phone calls past midnight every month. After a few of these, the light bulb flashed in my head and that was my cue, " Time to be a patient listener, remove the guy hat of wanting to solve problems, right now it is time to zip up and listen, that is all."
4) I am not willing to spend money on flowers. Why are flowers important to women? Even if you gift her a car, if it's not accompanied by a flower, the look you will get on her face is priceless. It's almost like any gift is incomplete without a flower. A life-form that is meant to wither away and is certain to meet it's death in a few days, for some unknown reason is of prime importance to women. I must admit though flowers also work when you screw up (for the most part). However, I am not ready to spend money on flowers.
5) My flat (apartment) is not the best organized one and very often there are empty coffee mugs lying around, there are clothes thrown around, books piled up. In short it's a mess. But in my mess I know where things are kept. I have yet to meet a girl who has at some time or the other not offered to clean it. "No", I say, 'you'll mess up the system if you clear it up'. This is how I like my things to be, it's my system, it's worked for twenty odd years, I don't see why it can't work further.
OK now I can't think of a sixth reason and I think five reasons are good enough to make me feel good.
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
The Big Fat Indian Wedding
Fortunately or unfortunately I've had the experience of attending several Indian weddings (not yet attended any wedding for white ppl...my white friends make note of this, it's a very open hint that you'll need to invite me for a wedding soon). It's fascinating how weddings in different cultures in India are so different and yet on the day of the Bidai the girl's family almost always ends up in tears. Now being a Maharashtrian this sounds very bad, but the fact of the matter is that Maharashtrian weddings are among the most bring weddings ever. There's the priest chanting away his shlokas to glory in Sanskrit and nobody else sitting there has a clue of what the guy is saying. However the common thing in all Indian weddings is the kind of people you meet here.
The Patriarch: Usually the father of the groom or some elderly gentleman in the family who is in charge of things. Most frequently he is found to be courteous, is greeting everybody and trying his best to ensure that all the guests are looked after properly.
The Pseudo Patriarch: This is the jealous guy who wanted to be the patriarch and tried his hardest to be one, but for obvious reasons was neither given the respect nor the responsibility. He's the one who tries to show to everyone that it is really he who is in charge of the proceedings and is often seen barking orders at the young men (usually the bride's or the groom's cousins).
The Matriarch: She is ALWAYS the groom's mother who is taking all the pains the ensure everyone knows that this is her special day (well she likes to believe it). She makes it a point to ensure that the photographer will click more pics of hers than anyone else and will probably change more sets of clothes than the bride or the groom.
The Pseudo Matriarch: She's the bitch in the family and she knows it. Every family has one, like it or not. Again for obvious reasons attempts are made to sideline her, but hey vamps and bitches know how to get the limelight. She will be the one always taunting everyone, telling them how what they are wearing doesn't really suit their personality and so on and so forth. Do I really need to describe the behavior of bitches?
The obnoxious welcomer: This is one guy you don't one to meet, and this is also the guy you can never avoid! He is standing right at the entrance with a huge smile on his face. I never quite understand why is he so happy? Fine there is a wedding and someone here is getting married, why the fuck are you so happy about it? He will also want to make sure that you meet his aunt's second cousin's niece who is your age so that 'you can get to know each other well, after all it's your turn next'.
The cranky kid: This is the kid that should have been left at home, but either his/her parent's didn't find a babysitter (I don't blame babysitter's) or simply didn't have consideration for others in the wedding. Invariably this kid will be crying, not just sobbing or wailing, but howling at the top of his voice for no apparent reason. To make matters worse he/she will be wearing those irritating squeaky shoes that make noise (not sound.... noise) when the kids walk. I don't understand what kind of warped sense of humor the parent's have that they decide to buy these shoes for their kids. Soon this kid decides to turn into an engine or worse still an aeroplane and starts hovering around you. These are those kids that should be tripped when no one is looking and when they fall they will cry for five minutes and then probably shut up for the rest of the evening. Revenge is sweet :).
Buffet chatters: Ok I get it, you are getting free food, but dude move it. How much can you eat in a meal? And why is it necessary to stand in the line, stare at the food, ask about where the chicken was purchased, how much oil was used in preparing it, are the rotis fresh. If I was the caterer I would most likely have replied, " The chicken was actually dead 3 years ago but don't worry we tested it for bird flu and the results were inconclusive, the oil really was hair oil that our cook uses and we decided to cut costs so she just squeezed it out of her hair, and as for the rotis, sir these were the left overs from the wedding we did last week. Now since you are so old and already have one foot in the grave we just decided to help you along."
The drunkards: These are undoubtedly my favourites. There are some who make a lot of noise, start dancing, generally are happy for no reason and make sure that they get taken care of (usually by getting themselves thrown out). The quiet drinkers are the more dangerous ones. They will drink and start telling stories about themselves. They will start telling you about how they were the ones who really were the brains behind the success of the growing economy, how they fought famous wars, how they almost became the PM of India. This is not a conversation, it's almost like a theatrical monologue that is performed especially for you. There is only one way to end this misery, by asking them a wild question like, "Wasn't it you that was living with two wives at the same time and having an affair with your boss' secretary?"
The all important Priest: No Indian wedding is completed without this guy. For some unknown reason he is the guy given the most importance! I mean do you job, take your money, eat and go na! But no, he will make sure that everyone in the bride and the groom's close family will touch his feet, he will unfailingly throw some tantrum and make sure that everyone comes running to him to apologize b'coz the bananas are not the right color of yellow that he had asked for. In Maharashtrian weddings what is worse is that he creates this hawan ensuring that there is smoke everywhere in the wedding hall, causing pollution and giving that cranky kid one more reason to cry.
So as they say, after eating the shaadi ka ladoo in this case it is not the bride or the groom who regret it. It is souls like you and me who end up regretting going there in the first place!
The Patriarch: Usually the father of the groom or some elderly gentleman in the family who is in charge of things. Most frequently he is found to be courteous, is greeting everybody and trying his best to ensure that all the guests are looked after properly.
The Pseudo Patriarch: This is the jealous guy who wanted to be the patriarch and tried his hardest to be one, but for obvious reasons was neither given the respect nor the responsibility. He's the one who tries to show to everyone that it is really he who is in charge of the proceedings and is often seen barking orders at the young men (usually the bride's or the groom's cousins).
The Matriarch: She is ALWAYS the groom's mother who is taking all the pains the ensure everyone knows that this is her special day (well she likes to believe it). She makes it a point to ensure that the photographer will click more pics of hers than anyone else and will probably change more sets of clothes than the bride or the groom.
The Pseudo Matriarch: She's the bitch in the family and she knows it. Every family has one, like it or not. Again for obvious reasons attempts are made to sideline her, but hey vamps and bitches know how to get the limelight. She will be the one always taunting everyone, telling them how what they are wearing doesn't really suit their personality and so on and so forth. Do I really need to describe the behavior of bitches?
The obnoxious welcomer: This is one guy you don't one to meet, and this is also the guy you can never avoid! He is standing right at the entrance with a huge smile on his face. I never quite understand why is he so happy? Fine there is a wedding and someone here is getting married, why the fuck are you so happy about it? He will also want to make sure that you meet his aunt's second cousin's niece who is your age so that 'you can get to know each other well, after all it's your turn next'.
The cranky kid: This is the kid that should have been left at home, but either his/her parent's didn't find a babysitter (I don't blame babysitter's) or simply didn't have consideration for others in the wedding. Invariably this kid will be crying, not just sobbing or wailing, but howling at the top of his voice for no apparent reason. To make matters worse he/she will be wearing those irritating squeaky shoes that make noise (not sound.... noise) when the kids walk. I don't understand what kind of warped sense of humor the parent's have that they decide to buy these shoes for their kids. Soon this kid decides to turn into an engine or worse still an aeroplane and starts hovering around you. These are those kids that should be tripped when no one is looking and when they fall they will cry for five minutes and then probably shut up for the rest of the evening. Revenge is sweet :).
Buffet chatters: Ok I get it, you are getting free food, but dude move it. How much can you eat in a meal? And why is it necessary to stand in the line, stare at the food, ask about where the chicken was purchased, how much oil was used in preparing it, are the rotis fresh. If I was the caterer I would most likely have replied, " The chicken was actually dead 3 years ago but don't worry we tested it for bird flu and the results were inconclusive, the oil really was hair oil that our cook uses and we decided to cut costs so she just squeezed it out of her hair, and as for the rotis, sir these were the left overs from the wedding we did last week. Now since you are so old and already have one foot in the grave we just decided to help you along."
The drunkards: These are undoubtedly my favourites. There are some who make a lot of noise, start dancing, generally are happy for no reason and make sure that they get taken care of (usually by getting themselves thrown out). The quiet drinkers are the more dangerous ones. They will drink and start telling stories about themselves. They will start telling you about how they were the ones who really were the brains behind the success of the growing economy, how they fought famous wars, how they almost became the PM of India. This is not a conversation, it's almost like a theatrical monologue that is performed especially for you. There is only one way to end this misery, by asking them a wild question like, "Wasn't it you that was living with two wives at the same time and having an affair with your boss' secretary?"
The all important Priest: No Indian wedding is completed without this guy. For some unknown reason he is the guy given the most importance! I mean do you job, take your money, eat and go na! But no, he will make sure that everyone in the bride and the groom's close family will touch his feet, he will unfailingly throw some tantrum and make sure that everyone comes running to him to apologize b'coz the bananas are not the right color of yellow that he had asked for. In Maharashtrian weddings what is worse is that he creates this hawan ensuring that there is smoke everywhere in the wedding hall, causing pollution and giving that cranky kid one more reason to cry.
So as they say, after eating the shaadi ka ladoo in this case it is not the bride or the groom who regret it. It is souls like you and me who end up regretting going there in the first place!
Monday, 15 September 2008
Hurricane Ike
So I experienced a hurricane and it was pretty much what I had expected it to be. Windy, wet, scary and it left the city in a huge mess. Currently I am still without electricity (writing from my clinic right now), I do have water though so things are not all that bad. The state if the city is much worse. Shortage of gas, water, food, looters looking for every opportunity to loot people, most places still don't have electricity and/or water.
Friday night was when Ike decided that it was time to make it's presence felt. It had pretty much been in the news for about a week before and was predicted to be cat 3 when it hit landfall. Galveston was one of the cities that was gonna be in the firing range first. Mandatory evacuation and all those good things had been ordered....
Here's where I being doubting whether the US really is a progressed country. When you have been forewarned that this hurricane is pretty much going to fuck your city...what is it that keeps you from evacuating the city in time??? What is the fascination in waiting till the very last minute and then suddenly getting up and being like, "OK I should have left like yesterday, but my hormones were playing seesaw and so here I am in this mess and now since I am in this shit and can't die by myself I'm gonna call the rescue people and make them risk their own lives...after all that's why they are the rescue people right???" Sure there are a few idiots all over the world, but for 20,000 people on the island not to leave, my guess is there are some messed up genes in there. A few hours before the hurricane strikes, a guy decides that it is fancy dress time and out he comes running on the beach in his bear costume!!! I mean sure, people have fetishes and eccentricities, but surely he did not believe that he would survive a hurricane dressed as a bear???
OK I still don't have power, and I'm still not happy...but I'm safe....and while I feel sorry for the community at large, I do not feel sorry for those who did not pay heed to repeated warnings and decided to risk their own lives and the lives of others....sorry but i just don't feel sorry for them
Friday, 1 August 2008
Home
She is like a mistress that sometimes treats you like a king and sometimes like dirt. There are times when she showers you with attention and you experience bliss…. And then there are times when your presence doesn’t make a damn difference to her…. She knows there are millions others like you who are passionately in love with her. You have to fight to keep her attention and battle her temperamental mood swings and mind-games, but yet you can't give her up because she's so incredibly intoxicating. She is always finding ways to exhibit her diverse behaviours…she can be interesting, intoxicating, exhausting, thrilling, intense, ruthless at times plain obnoxious and yet passionate all at once. 
At times she is colourful, bright and full of life. She's buzzing with happiness and she can lift your spirits like no other spirit can. She knows you find comfort in her arms and she is there to give you that shelter. She knows you like her company and she thrives on all the attention you shower on her.
" And she'll promise you more
than the garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
and laugh while you're bleedin
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me"
She is Home...she is Mumbai
Friday, 25 July 2008
Genetic Counseling Applications...
I've been lucky in many different aspects of life. Well not just lucky, coz at most times luck is a combination of a couple of different things. I think in luck a lot depends on recognizing an opportunity before anyone else does and then act on it, much like strikers do in football (soccer for the Americans). In my case when I got accepted to graduate school in Genetic Counseling, there was a bit of luck involved in it for sure. I mean I had a lot of things going for me, the fact that more than 90% of genetic counselors are white and there is a need for diversity, add to that me being male...so an Indian male genetic counselor is like a different species in the world of genetic counseling. Also the fact that the person who had been offered the position before me, declined it making way for me (and now has become a very close friend, not just for declining that position though). To give myself some credit though I had also done some basic important groundwork to boost my application and had recognized the importance of genetic counseling. Probably 20 years down the line I can talk about this and praise myself for being a visionary!!
But this is not about my application. This is about the applications of other students who have contacted me to get some help/advice/guidance whatever you want to call it. I've had the chance to help out a few students over the past three years in their application for a genetic counseling program and despite these people being as different as chalk and cheese there are some striking similarities in their applications.
1) All of the students who have contacted me are MAJOR procrastinators. And being one myself, I don't have too much of an issue with this. I must admit though that there are situations where you need to know your priorities and act on them. The first question always is so what is genetic counseling? And though I have never said it in so many words for the fear of coming across as overtly aggressive, I am very tempted to say, "If you dont know what genetic counseling is how can you consider it to be a career option for you?". I mean if you are applying for this as a career choice one would imagine you have thought about this long and hard and it's not as if you woke up one morning," I want to be a genetic counselor." I dont expect you to know everything about the field obviously, coz you haven't been there and done that, but if you are really serious about this then get off your ass and google it.
2) The second question most of them have usually is, "I've heard it's really tough to get into the program especially for an international student." Ok again, it's good that you know that the program is not the easiest one, but then grad school is not meant to be very easy right. I mean forget a genetic counseling program, for any other field as well there are going to be occassions when you are going to really have to step it up and accept the fact that you have to work you butt off. But if you are going to start of with a negative attitude that this is tough and I dont think I will get it, how will you? Ok now for a few facts. Like I said earlier more than 90% of genetic counselors are white females. The US is a multicultural society and there are people from all nationalities living here. There is a need for people of diverse ethnic backgrounds to work in this field, get thri own set of ideas, get their own culture with them. So if you have the required qualifications as an international student, at least in this field you are wanted. Financially an international student gets more money than a local one, so another reason why you are wanted. Now can be we a little more positive about this application. Thank You.
3) What schools offer this program? This is to a certain extent an understandable question. Again, the internet is a great resource and if you know what you are looking for, believe it or not, you really get the answers. Use the National Society of Genetic Counselors (NSGC) website,(which is the first hit you get in google when you search for genetic counseling) to an answer to this question. But I think most Indian students (at the risk of generalization) want to be spoon-fed and want all answers without looking for them.
4) Which of these schools are good? Ok not a problem, it's a great question. I appreciate the fact that you want to be in the best possible school for the program. Now if you've looked properly on the NSGC website, it will tell you that there are 32 schools in the US offering this program. Hint: Look for MS in most other fields and you will probably get 100s of schools. So if there are only 32 schools offering the program then it would be a reasonable assumption that these are good schools (esp knowing how fastidious genetic counselors are!!!). Sure there are always a few programs which will be better than others, and if you take the pains to look through all these you will know which ones are best suited for you. But no the question always is, which ones do you think I should apply for? At this point I am extremely tempted to say, "It is not me who is applying, but you, so do the hard work yourself and dont expect me to sit here and give you all answers. I did all this for myself, so there is no reason why you cant."
5) Now comes the interesting part. "Can you please send me a copy of your SOP so that I will have some reference to start with?". Two weeks later you get a SOP to read, which is 90% similar to your own SOP, the other 10% that is different is probably the academics. This is where I get really pissed. You have enough time to write your SOP. Why do you want to wait till the last week of November to start your SOP when you know that application deadlines begin in December? But no there is some uncle's son who is getting married and obviously that is more important that the SOP. Parties with friends will always take precedence over applications. Only at the last minute will it come to mind that the application is due and the SOP hasn't been written. So now the obvious thing to do is just write something that someone else has written and pass it as one's own.
I have no problems in helping students in their applications. I always tell them in my first correspondance, use me as a resource. That does not mean I will do everything for your application. Obviously since I find it hard to say no, I usually end up making several corrections in the SOP's, the CV's the introductory letters and at times even the letters of recommendation!!!
Now that I have accepted that this is how it is going to be, I think I should start charging money for my consultations. Afterall there are 'counselors' in Mumbai who do this regularly for students and having had the experience of going through one myself, I am sure I do a job much much better than all of them put together. Heck I can even provide bonus services, like accent training, dining etiquttes. formal clothing for genetic counselors (depending on climate and location), what to carry to the US, basics about what to do when you reach the US, getting a SS#, opening a bank account, getting a cell phone provider....you name it. All these value added services will also be provided....provided you show me the money :) Afterall it's all about the money, honey!
But this is not about my application. This is about the applications of other students who have contacted me to get some help/advice/guidance whatever you want to call it. I've had the chance to help out a few students over the past three years in their application for a genetic counseling program and despite these people being as different as chalk and cheese there are some striking similarities in their applications.
1) All of the students who have contacted me are MAJOR procrastinators. And being one myself, I don't have too much of an issue with this. I must admit though that there are situations where you need to know your priorities and act on them. The first question always is so what is genetic counseling? And though I have never said it in so many words for the fear of coming across as overtly aggressive, I am very tempted to say, "If you dont know what genetic counseling is how can you consider it to be a career option for you?". I mean if you are applying for this as a career choice one would imagine you have thought about this long and hard and it's not as if you woke up one morning," I want to be a genetic counselor." I dont expect you to know everything about the field obviously, coz you haven't been there and done that, but if you are really serious about this then get off your ass and google it.
2) The second question most of them have usually is, "I've heard it's really tough to get into the program especially for an international student." Ok again, it's good that you know that the program is not the easiest one, but then grad school is not meant to be very easy right. I mean forget a genetic counseling program, for any other field as well there are going to be occassions when you are going to really have to step it up and accept the fact that you have to work you butt off. But if you are going to start of with a negative attitude that this is tough and I dont think I will get it, how will you? Ok now for a few facts. Like I said earlier more than 90% of genetic counselors are white females. The US is a multicultural society and there are people from all nationalities living here. There is a need for people of diverse ethnic backgrounds to work in this field, get thri own set of ideas, get their own culture with them. So if you have the required qualifications as an international student, at least in this field you are wanted. Financially an international student gets more money than a local one, so another reason why you are wanted. Now can be we a little more positive about this application. Thank You.
3) What schools offer this program? This is to a certain extent an understandable question. Again, the internet is a great resource and if you know what you are looking for, believe it or not, you really get the answers. Use the National Society of Genetic Counselors (NSGC) website,(which is the first hit you get in google when you search for genetic counseling) to an answer to this question. But I think most Indian students (at the risk of generalization) want to be spoon-fed and want all answers without looking for them.
4) Which of these schools are good? Ok not a problem, it's a great question. I appreciate the fact that you want to be in the best possible school for the program. Now if you've looked properly on the NSGC website, it will tell you that there are 32 schools in the US offering this program. Hint: Look for MS in most other fields and you will probably get 100s of schools. So if there are only 32 schools offering the program then it would be a reasonable assumption that these are good schools (esp knowing how fastidious genetic counselors are!!!). Sure there are always a few programs which will be better than others, and if you take the pains to look through all these you will know which ones are best suited for you. But no the question always is, which ones do you think I should apply for? At this point I am extremely tempted to say, "It is not me who is applying, but you, so do the hard work yourself and dont expect me to sit here and give you all answers. I did all this for myself, so there is no reason why you cant."
5) Now comes the interesting part. "Can you please send me a copy of your SOP so that I will have some reference to start with?". Two weeks later you get a SOP to read, which is 90% similar to your own SOP, the other 10% that is different is probably the academics. This is where I get really pissed. You have enough time to write your SOP. Why do you want to wait till the last week of November to start your SOP when you know that application deadlines begin in December? But no there is some uncle's son who is getting married and obviously that is more important that the SOP. Parties with friends will always take precedence over applications. Only at the last minute will it come to mind that the application is due and the SOP hasn't been written. So now the obvious thing to do is just write something that someone else has written and pass it as one's own.
I have no problems in helping students in their applications. I always tell them in my first correspondance, use me as a resource. That does not mean I will do everything for your application. Obviously since I find it hard to say no, I usually end up making several corrections in the SOP's, the CV's the introductory letters and at times even the letters of recommendation!!!
Now that I have accepted that this is how it is going to be, I think I should start charging money for my consultations. Afterall there are 'counselors' in Mumbai who do this regularly for students and having had the experience of going through one myself, I am sure I do a job much much better than all of them put together. Heck I can even provide bonus services, like accent training, dining etiquttes. formal clothing for genetic counselors (depending on climate and location), what to carry to the US, basics about what to do when you reach the US, getting a SS#, opening a bank account, getting a cell phone provider....you name it. All these value added services will also be provided....provided you show me the money :) Afterall it's all about the money, honey!
Monday, 28 April 2008
Fear
"What is it that you fear?".
I don't know, I haven't thought about it". That's the easy reply...usually gives you some breathing space.
"Well there has to be something...death, do you fear death?".
"No I don't."
"How can you not fear death, everyone...even the bravest of all men fear death."
"Then I'm different."
"Elaborate further..."
"Hmmm...death is something that's unknown to most of us, (well all of us actually) so how can i be scared of something unknown."
"I agree, death is something unknown...but what you and most people are scared of ; is losing contact with the known"
This was the conversation I was having with my friend...my alter ego. Yes I like to believe I have one...and no I'm not scared of him... But last night was when I really and truely gave it a thought. There has to be something that I must be scared of besides horror films (this is an admission for those who don't know...I am shit scared of horror films). And as I was thinking late into the night I heard my phone ring.
Now it's a different thing when your phone rings at 8 at night. I mean fine it's no big deal. When your phone rings at 1 in the morning you get a sick feeling in the gut. It was my cousin calling. And I felt fear....I experienced fear like never before. Why was my cousin calling so late. The first thought was something is wrong....maybe my uncle or aunt are really sick and so he's calling me. The next thought was worse....maybe something's happened back home and he's calling me to tell me about it. I answered the phone and he could make out from my "hello" that I was fearing the worst. Thankfully he had called up to ask me something entirely irrelevant. But I got my answer.
I realized that living alienated in this country breeds fear. And I started thinking about the worst scenarios. What will my reaction be when I get that dreaded call....Silently I pray not to ever get it...but deep within I know that maybe someday I will. That is fear... I realized that the fear that I have about possibly not getting the H1, or the fear of not finding a good first job back home is nothing compared to this fear...This fear hits you harder than you can think.
"Now you know what I fear."
"Yes, I do. But I have a feeling deep inside you knew this all along. You knew this the time you came to this country. You were just avoiding thinking about it. I'm glad to know you've come to accept it now.....Are you sure you aren't scared of having me though???"
I don't know, I haven't thought about it". That's the easy reply...usually gives you some breathing space.
"Well there has to be something...death, do you fear death?".
"No I don't."
"How can you not fear death, everyone...even the bravest of all men fear death."
"Then I'm different."
"Elaborate further..."
"Hmmm...death is something that's unknown to most of us, (well all of us actually) so how can i be scared of something unknown."
"I agree, death is something unknown...but what you and most people are scared of ; is losing contact with the known"
This was the conversation I was having with my friend...my alter ego. Yes I like to believe I have one...and no I'm not scared of him... But last night was when I really and truely gave it a thought. There has to be something that I must be scared of besides horror films (this is an admission for those who don't know...I am shit scared of horror films). And as I was thinking late into the night I heard my phone ring.
Now it's a different thing when your phone rings at 8 at night. I mean fine it's no big deal. When your phone rings at 1 in the morning you get a sick feeling in the gut. It was my cousin calling. And I felt fear....I experienced fear like never before. Why was my cousin calling so late. The first thought was something is wrong....maybe my uncle or aunt are really sick and so he's calling me. The next thought was worse....maybe something's happened back home and he's calling me to tell me about it. I answered the phone and he could make out from my "hello" that I was fearing the worst. Thankfully he had called up to ask me something entirely irrelevant. But I got my answer.
I realized that living alienated in this country breeds fear. And I started thinking about the worst scenarios. What will my reaction be when I get that dreaded call....Silently I pray not to ever get it...but deep within I know that maybe someday I will. That is fear... I realized that the fear that I have about possibly not getting the H1, or the fear of not finding a good first job back home is nothing compared to this fear...This fear hits you harder than you can think.
"Now you know what I fear."
"Yes, I do. But I have a feeling deep inside you knew this all along. You knew this the time you came to this country. You were just avoiding thinking about it. I'm glad to know you've come to accept it now.....Are you sure you aren't scared of having me though???"
Friday, 22 February 2008
Louuuuv ke rules
"So what's the most important thing you've learnt from any previous relationship?", asked a friend casually. "Ummm, hmmm, well...I think..., I struggled to reply. "Oh come on dude, get on with it, you're not playing chess with Kasparov for God's sake", was the impatient reply. "Opposites attract....sure they do so long as we talk about physics, that's probably the most important thing I leanrt", was my reply. Do men really learn anything from previous relationships, I thought to myself. Well this is just what I learnt, so not any rules as such, but just my observations. If I indeed knew any rules, I would probably be on Femina's list ot most eligible bachelors! Ahh such dreams.
Dont forget the dates....EVER
In a relationship where love, emotions, feelings, willingness to do more for the other person is supposed to be of prime importance, I've never quite understood why chronology plays such an important role. I mean if you are so interested in chronology, find a historian na, that's what he is good at. That's probably the only thing he is good at :) And it's not just chronology, but materialism also plays just as much of an important role, in the form of gifts. Women for some reason like to celebrate the most inane and ridiculous events. Fine, I'm happy if you are, but expecting me to remember it and further more buy EXPENSIVe gifts (yes expensive is important here) is stretching the limits beyond infinity.
What's more, it's not just the birthdays and anniversary's that are important, but other dates where you apparently did some really romantic things are equally important. It doesn't stop at you and her, you have to remember the important events that occured in the life of everyone who she is close to. This would mean her family and circle of friends. Now if she has one best friend it's one thing. Well, as it would be most women tend to change their best friends faster than men change their socks! One solution to this problem is spending some hard earned $$$$ on buying a nice piece of equipment like a blackberry (what a nice excuse to buy one), and dedicating lots of space for this cause.
Can you blame me if my ex's birthday happens to be April1st? Very innocently I called her to wish her "Happy April Fool's day", only to recieve a 45 min lecture about how insensitive I was and how could I forget such an important day. Needless to say, ever since there hasn't been a year gone by where April 1st hasn't reminded me of that unpleasant conversation.
Be picky about your fights
Whatever happens, we always know it's always the guy's fault. Make peace with that fact and life suddenly becomes a very easy proposition. Now you are a man, your voice is louder and by virtue of being male, you are the bad person irrespective of who started it. You shout louder and so you are insensitive and insulting her.
If she's late, think of it as a 'cute' habit. Advice: Always carry a book with you, or your ipod, especially if you are a time-freak like me who likes to reach everywhere 15 mins before the scheduled time of meeting anyways. Remind yourself why you with her. If you cant think of any good reasons, it's probably time to move on anyways! Remember pick your fights.
Flowers, Flowers, Flowers!
For reasons best known to them, a life form that is cut to meet it's certain death and will most definitely wither away in a few days is very important to all women. There MUST be flowers in a relationship. There are no two ways about this guys. So accept this, you are probably going to spend more on flowers than on petrol/diesel. Make peace with this ASAP.
If you are buying her a gift, it has to be accompanied by the flowers. Never mind the fact that you probably spent a few hundred bucks on getting that bouquet. Well here's the thing that's a saving grace, flowers always work! They almost always do the trick. So if you've screwed up big time, before you go and apologize, make sure you have a huge bouquet of flowers with you. And for women any gift is incomplete without a flower. You will probably spend a few thousand $$$$ on buying her a nice car, but unless there are flowers accompanying it, the look on her face will suggest that there is something missing!
The only time flowers are irrelevant is while buying her diamonds. If there are rocks coming her way, then flowers be damned. Jewellery carries that special place in women’s hearts which surmounts any damn arrangement of flowers you can get her. Of course, since it is much cheaper to do flowers instead of jewellery, we’ll stick to the bouquets :)
Friday, 1 February 2008
Racism
Did Harbhajan Singh call Andrew Symonds a monkey or no??? The billion $$$ question may never be answered. We will never know whether he actually called him a 'monkey' or as he said said ' tere maa ki' which can well be (mis)heard as monkey, especially by other cultures that are not well versed with hindi words. That is not the point here though...the point is for far too long we have pretended that we are not racists...and sorry to say but I have to disagree. I think most Indians dont understand what race means and what racism is. We are far too enamoured by 'white' colour and so often unrealizingly we pass comments about people of other races which can be interpreted as being racist.
We make a big noise when our players get pulled up for things they said or did not say. What about telling our players to get their act straight when they are at fault. After the Sydney test marred with so much controversy, majority of the Australian public were of the opinion that the home team was at fault, that they did not play the game in the true spirit and that they had to take at least partial responsibility for the events that occured there. How many Indian people would have done the same had the Indian team done something similar?
It is pretty clear that there are a few characters in this Indian team that Symonds does not like. Sreesanth and harbhajan probably head that list. And Symonds I think was partly at fault for provoking Harbhajan and abusing him when all that Bhajji did was pat Symonds' team-mate on his back for bowling a good ball. Symonds' claim that a test match is not the place to be friends with opponents is clearly his own view and hopefully not all test cricketers believe that. But what followed is now history...I still maintain that Bhajji was wrong in getting Symmo's mother involved in their argument! I mean the poor lady was probably sitting home watching the game and wondering what did she do to get involved in this!
We have to admit, we are racists...it's a fact and the sooner we get rid of this the better it is. Ask any African students moving around the city and they will vouch for this fact. The problem lies in our thinking. We are so fascinated by the colour white that anything other than that becomes a joke for us. "Kallu/Kala/Bandar" may just be words to us but to other cultures they mean a lot more. These are serious racist remarks. The argument that we all originated from monkeys is really stupid. I mean fine we did, but seriously when you are calling someone a monkey it is said b'coz you want that person to feel bad. Clearly you are not thinking about human evolution when you are making a statement like that! Sure in a court of law that cant be proven but then how many guilty parties actually get punished in a court of law?
I will be the first one to say I had been one of the many people in India who was racist. Very often without thinking I had called many Sri Lankan cricketers "Ravan" or "Nariyal Pani wala"...and those comments were not made just for no reason. They were made in a derogatory manner. But since I have thankfully grown up and matured and hopefully wont pass any such comments in the future!
It's time to wake up and accept we are wrong....it's okay to be wrong, so long as you know how to correct those mistakes. Rarely is there a mistake that cannot be corrected. But for it to be corrected you first have to realize it's a mistake!
We make a big noise when our players get pulled up for things they said or did not say. What about telling our players to get their act straight when they are at fault. After the Sydney test marred with so much controversy, majority of the Australian public were of the opinion that the home team was at fault, that they did not play the game in the true spirit and that they had to take at least partial responsibility for the events that occured there. How many Indian people would have done the same had the Indian team done something similar?
It is pretty clear that there are a few characters in this Indian team that Symonds does not like. Sreesanth and harbhajan probably head that list. And Symonds I think was partly at fault for provoking Harbhajan and abusing him when all that Bhajji did was pat Symonds' team-mate on his back for bowling a good ball. Symonds' claim that a test match is not the place to be friends with opponents is clearly his own view and hopefully not all test cricketers believe that. But what followed is now history...I still maintain that Bhajji was wrong in getting Symmo's mother involved in their argument! I mean the poor lady was probably sitting home watching the game and wondering what did she do to get involved in this!
We have to admit, we are racists...it's a fact and the sooner we get rid of this the better it is. Ask any African students moving around the city and they will vouch for this fact. The problem lies in our thinking. We are so fascinated by the colour white that anything other than that becomes a joke for us. "Kallu/Kala/Bandar" may just be words to us but to other cultures they mean a lot more. These are serious racist remarks. The argument that we all originated from monkeys is really stupid. I mean fine we did, but seriously when you are calling someone a monkey it is said b'coz you want that person to feel bad. Clearly you are not thinking about human evolution when you are making a statement like that! Sure in a court of law that cant be proven but then how many guilty parties actually get punished in a court of law?
I will be the first one to say I had been one of the many people in India who was racist. Very often without thinking I had called many Sri Lankan cricketers "Ravan" or "Nariyal Pani wala"...and those comments were not made just for no reason. They were made in a derogatory manner. But since I have thankfully grown up and matured and hopefully wont pass any such comments in the future!
It's time to wake up and accept we are wrong....it's okay to be wrong, so long as you know how to correct those mistakes. Rarely is there a mistake that cannot be corrected. But for it to be corrected you first have to realize it's a mistake!
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